nice try monday

monday did a legit job of trying to make the day as shitty as possible. it's been fairly nice the last few weeks, so i guess it was just a matter of time before it tried to kick my ass.

nice try monday.

started out with a full connecting swing to the gut- had a very realistic dream about my dad last night. dreamed he was building a huge new house out in the woods- there were rooms for everyone, myself, the spawns, other visitors. this might seem strange, but it was one of the things that bothered me most growing up- when he and the second wife built a brand new house she didn't want any guest rooms- this mean when my older brother and i visited in the summer/spring break we either had to share rooms or couch surf. nothing like feeling like a guest ALL THE TIME at your parents house. it was a strange growing up.

the house he bought with his third wife had plenty of guest rooms and beds. it was nice to be welcome for once. and then in this dream- there were so many rooms, and he was so happy to have us and it was so nice to get to see him and talk to him and hug him again. and i was able to tell him that for the first time in a LONG time i feel really healthy and like i'm on the right track and going where i'm supposed to be.

it was a NICE dream.

and then i woke up.

it took me a minute for the full impact to hit.

and then i was in tears.

FUCK YOU MONDAY.

rough start.

small spawn picked a fight about wanting to ride his scooter to school. small issue that's actually really big- after the scare walking to school last week hes scared to walk any more but doesn't want to wait for me to walk him (he would miss breakfast). He wants to ride his scooter because it's faster. I won't let him because a) it's only 2 blocks, b) there's the what do you do with it when you get there issue, and c) it takes just as long to ride the scooter as it does to walk by the time you factor in crossing streets, crappy sidewalks, all of it.

ugh. not getting better.

i got to work, tried to set things aside, DEEP BREATH. because i had a dream about my dad and i know that New York is still working through his issues, i decided to check in with him and see how things are going.

apparently they're going VERY well.  as in he's been seeing someone and spending the last few weekends with her.

nice play monday. another direct gut shot.

and it's not like i'm sitting over here all devout and not being distracted by the occasional gentleman, but for him to actually be seeing someone? enough to mention it? and spending weekends with her? after all the...yeah.  ouch.

half of me is glad he's getting out and being around people again. i know he needs to not just sit at home and stare at the walls. but still. ouch.

so. i'm trying to stuff those feelings away, i'm determined not to let monday ruin my mascara.

then i get a phone call. the job that the temp agency though i was a perfect fit for- a direct hire, full time, great pay, benefits, executive assistant job- yeah, they filled it internally. no shot at an interview even.

FUCK.

ok monday. this isn't fun anymore.

it's fingertips on the edge of the canyon wall at this point.

those are some pretty hefty blows.

*sigh*

FUCK YOU MONDAY.

then there shines a small glimmer of hope- a prize package from castle megastore. yes, the adult toy store. FUN!

and then the glimmer gets a little bigger- my tax return will be deposited on valentines day. YAY.

then pandora radio pulls through with good music for the afternoon, and even though it's only 330 currently, i feel pretty safe in saying monday tried it's damndest, but i'm declaring a victory.

mascara is still intact. spirit is battered but weathering this stupid little storm. work is done in a few minutes and it's home to spawns and an evening of nothing on the schedule.

if you hang in there long enough and try your damndest to be a duck, eventually there's a break in the clouds.

i used to let this shit completely derail me. now i know there's a  moment of shit and an opportunity for things to get better. there's good friends that respond with commiserative but supportive texts, there's changes for random things to pop up and make the day better.

and, if all else fails, there's a few liquor stores on the way home.