rant

dear plenty of fish guy:

can i just say how delighted i am to find out that your sleazy “not into casual sex” asshole self found me “sexy hot”?

why OF COURSE i’d love to stop by your office this afternoon and play dirty secretary with you in your obviously bustling successful office that allows their partners/managers to be online in the middle of the day chatting in completely sexually demoralizing ways with complete strangers.

i of course find it endlessly flattering that based on five pictures of me all from the shoulders up, you find me (and my deliciously sexy legs) to be such a complete and total turn on.

how can a girl resist such a temping offer as to be ravaged in a strange unknown warehouse by a complete stranger who has represented himself to be such an upstanding citizen? how did you know that was my secret fantasy for the day?

good luck finding someone else to entertain you during your oh-so-busy work day.

i hope you get locked in the supply closet and rot there.

not your arm candy OR dirty secretary,

(if i had that job, i'd quit)

me

did you buy flowers??

so. some of you may know this, some of you may not. yesterday was in fact secretaries day. and yes, i realize we're not called secretaries any more, it's "administrative professionals day". so, there is one guy here at work that wished me happy AP yesterday...to which i responded "do i LOOK like an iphone to you??" and he laughed and said..."well, they do have an app for everything". (app, AP, ha ha ha...it's a techie joke!)

so, after a moment, i realized, i may be the next one to be phased out by the evil that is technology. it happened years ago in the auto industry, it's happening in voice automated call centers all over the world, and it may be happening in the "administrative professional" pool sooner than we'd like to admit. so. here are five things that the iphone can do that could threaten my job, as well as five things it can't do that will let me keep my job forever: (list style just for @tremendousnews just in case they happen to wander over this direction...i know how they like lists...)

five reasons the iphone may take over my job:

#5 need to print a label? they have an app for that.

#4 need an email sent? they have an app for that.

#3 need tips on how to shake a baby properly? they have an app for that (totally not kidding: http://tech.yahoo.com/news/pcworld/20090423/tc_pcworld/appleapprovestastelessbabyshakeriphonegamethenremovesit)

#2 need to google some information? do a little research? find random pointless facts? they have an app for that.

#1 plus, the iphone looks much better in form fitting/curve hugging leather than i do. sad.

five reason the iphone will NEVER take over my job:

#5 it can't make coffee

#4 it can't refill the printer when it runs out of paper (try to make an app for that bitches!)

#3 it can't refill the candy dish when it runs out (okay, so i haven't been doing that lately..in theory though).

#2 it can't water the plants

#1 the iphone doesn't have a size 40c chest for the men in the department to stare at when they're pretending to ask for information. no app for that one. ever. i'm completely safe.

so. what have we learned? I, ME, MY GLORIOUS SELF am the app for everything really important. and i need to work on fitting into curve hugging leather a little better. suck it iphone. you'll never replace me! so there!