Out of Doors

"...you're such a fucking pussy. you're too busy sucking your boyfriends dick to fight like a man."


is that sentence a bit shocking? it was to me, and i don't shock easily.

that sentences wasn't hurled at or by me. that sentence, in all it's ignorant, homophobic glory, was an insult hurled at my 12 year old son last night after he walked away from a group of kids that had surrounded him and sprayed him all over with silly string.

this all happened at a youth group meeting.

mere feet away from the "adults in charge" (most barely legal adults).

NO ONE DID A DAMN THING.

i got a call at work from a child in TEARS. he had left the church and walked home and called me.

this isn't the first time.

this isn't the second time.

this is TWO YEARS of bullying from the same kid.

i'm out of doors to knock on. i don't know what cage to rattle any more.

TWO YEARS of escalating bullying and not a damn thing has worked.

you may remember a rant a while ago about the school teaching my son "safe words" to use to get help when the bullying happened.

you may remember rants about me calling the school staff, the superintendent, the city police.

TWO YEARS. multiple school district complaint forms filed with the school superintendent. it spread from school to campus kids- a local college mentoring program my son participates in on thursdays on the college campus. it spread to the city park and involved SCRAPS (the local animal control) and a harassment report with the city police. it spread to a church youth group and ANOTHER harassment report with the city police.

my son doesn't want to go to school. i've told him to stay away from the park near our house. fortunately, the college mentor program realized what was happening and dis-invited the student doing the bullying so my son still has ONE safe place to go. but for fucks sake, even a church isn't sanctuary for him at this point.

the school principal is "working on it." the key phrase he kept saying this morning in his office as he leaned back in his chair with his arms crossed.

i *just* found out there's a city police officer assigned to the school as a safety/resource officer. why wasn't i informed of that two years ago?

i've had to teach my son to just take it. all the insults, the pushing, losing friends, being the narc because he did the right thing and told me. remember "...snitches get stitches..." from last school year?

he can't fight back or he gets in trouble. he can't verbally defend himself or they consider that bullying as well.

so he just has to listen to it and tell me about it in tears later.

he has to listen to "you're such a fag," "go suck your boyfriends dick," "no wonder your dad left," and a myriad of other juvenile insults. i don't know if he's gay. he doesn't know if he's gay. we've talked about it. he's questioning.

IT DOESN'T MATTER. 

the officer last night was the first one to get that. the first question from the reports has always been "...does the bullying bother him because he's gay?"

NO YOU FUCKING IMBECILES.

THE BULLYING BOTHERS HIM BECAUSE HE DOESN'T LIKE BEING BULLIED.

the officer last night was actually thrown off my me answering the question before he asked it.

me: "...and no, i don't know if he's gay or not. He's 12."
officer: "I wasn't going to even ask that. Why would that be an issue?"
me: "Well, it's the first thing everyone else has asked."
officer: "Doesn't matter if he is or isn't This shouldn't be happening."

FINALLY. someone gets it.

but now what? i have two case report numbers. i have multiple harassment complaints. i've talked to everyone i can think of. i've started down the path to see if there's any legal help i can get.

BUT MY KID IS STILL SCARED TO GO TO SCHOOL.

so what? what door do i knock on? what cage do i rattle? how can i get more than one police officer to take this serious? 

i'm at a loss. i'm frustrated. i'm sad. i'm angry. i'm insulted. i'm so incredibly hurt for my kid. i'm having flash backs to when i was in school. i know EXACTLY what he's feeling. i know EXACTLY what it's like to be the target and have no one listen or help. i know what it's like to be standing right next to an adult and have them walk away when something happens.

I DON'T WANT THAT FOR MY KID.

i'm going to keep fighting. i don't know what i'm fighting for or against or which direction i'm pointed, but i'm not giving up.

universe: 1 billion, me: 0

did you ever have one of those days where it just seemed like the universe was plotting against you from the moment you woke up?

i know it isn't real, it's all in perspective, but when you feel like you've been knocked flat on your ass the perspective is a little skewed.

the last few nights have been dreams of being chased by a serial killer- perhaps too many crime shows. couple that with insomnia and a dog that sleeps all day and is restless at night- you have a damn shitty start to a tuesday.

i woke up early this morning, had to drive the big spawn to school so his cigar box banjo wouldn't get damaged on the bus- no, i don't understand the logic of it either. school is at 8, i don't have to be to work until 9 even though they're only a few blocks apart. told him i would wake up, shower, run him to school then come home to get ready, PLEASE be ready to go so i have time between trips to get ready. he decided to sleep in and take a shower right before me. being a teenager, a shower isn't complete until ALL the hot water is gone. so there's me, in all my grumpy insomniatic serial killer dream glory, add in a cold shower. now add in SHITTY roads for not one but TWO trips across town (school, then work).

i pulled my shit together for work, took calls, didn't drive my coworker TOO nuts (that i know of anyway) until about 1:27 when i got a call from the small spawn school counselor.

sometimes the straw that breaks the camels back isn't a single straw, it's a whole fucking harvest full of  bales.

the counselor was calling about getting help started for the small spawn.

YES, getting help STARTED.

because, you know, i haven't been fighting to get him help EVERY. SINGLE. FUCKING. YEAR.

long story short: they want to put him in the "resource room."

back in my day the "resource room" was called "special ed."

they want to take the small spawn out of standardized learning with typical learning students and place him in a classroom of moderate to severe special needs kids.

because of his speech and reading.

the two programs i have been FIGHTING to get him help for.

he's been in speech therapy since he was 2. he started in district 81, THE SAME DISTRICT HE'S IN NOW with speech therapy BEFORE kindergarten. every year he's been placed in speech and reading intervention. every year they removed him from the programs when he "reached the level of his peers and was disqualified for additional resource assistance."

EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR. i asked about dyslexia.

they told me it was age typical. they told me he was fine, he'd grow out of it. they told me they would keep an eye on it.  

guess why they want to test him and put him in the "resource room"?

because he has abnormal speech patterns, confuses/changes his letters and words still, and hasn't mastered the sight words typical of his age.

YOU MEAN DYSLEXIA?

last spring i had a meeting with his classroom teacher, the speech teacher, the reading teacher, and the school counselor. don't even get me started about how it was the END of the year before they listened to me asking for help and classroom intervention.

LAST YEAR we discussed a 504 plan to give the small spawn extra time during testing, additional help, and accommodations for other things (math word problems) that involved reading. I SIGNED THE DOCUMENT LAST SPRING.

december 10th this year i went in for a parent teacher conference.

there was NO record of a 504 plan. there was NO record of previous speech/reading intervention even though he's been doing it EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR. since pre-k. there was no mention in his file of aspergers. there was no mention of every. single. fucking. conversation. that i've had EVERY. YEAR. with EVERY. TEACHER. about how to help him succeed in class.

NOTHING. not a single fucking thing in his file. 

where did FOUR years worth of information go?

as soon as i mentioned aspergers to THIS teacher she lit up, changed her whole perspective on the small spawn. see...she has a son with aspergers. SHE GETS IT. the one fucking year i didn't go in before school started to talk to the teacher. the one year i thought they had a plan in his file. the ONE FUCKING YEAR someone gets it and we've wasted half the school year already.

and now they want to start all over, test him, pull him out of the standardized class room and make everything a million times worse.

he's finally making friends. he's OFF THE CHARTS smart in math, science and history. he's never been a discipline problem in the classroom, he's always the first to help. he LOVES school. he LOVES learning.  and now they want to break all that, in the middle of the year, and place him in a segregated classroom? TO HELP HIM?

and i don't know what to do. if they test him and he "passes" he'll be pulled out of class (supposedly only after my approval). if he "fails" the tests then there's no other resources to help him since he's already tried them all.

i can't afford tutors. i can't afford outside classes or learning centers.

i've been beating myself up since he started school at my own inability to help him. ME, with the fucking literature degree can't even help my own son read. i haven't figured out how to teach him something that always came to easy to me.

i sat down and read with him tonight- the "big nate" books i got him for christmas.  he can read hyphenated words across line breaks. he can sight read words like "relationship", "omen", "backboard", "according" but he trips over "it" and "was" and "day". 

where would you even start? he can do complex math problems (for his age) but still gets b and d confused and puts his shoes on the wrong feet.

and so i research and read and i do what i always do when i have a problem: try to find a logical solution or step to take.

go ahead. google dyslexia. see if you can find a concrete learning plan or suggestion. see if you can find anything other than "there's no explanation or cure for it."

one of the most common learning problems and all they can say is: "yup. it happens. doesn't mean you're not smart. just means you process things differently."

WELL NO SHIT SHERLOCK.

you win the captain obvious award for the day.

so i search iphone apps- there's has to be SOMETHING, right? somewhere to start?

105 apps pull up under a search for "dyslexia".

very few have more than a 2 start rating. most of those are typing tutors or apps that do NOTHING once you've installed them.

the khan academy is focused on math and sciences.

we've tried having the older spawn help (that's a TRAIN WRECK).

we've tried leap pad (didn't hold his attention).

we've tried study buddies at school (bully problems, he doesn't want to go anymore).

we've tried campus kids (interaction with a college student/mentor: cool, no help).

we've done reading intervention (kicked him out when he reached the level of his peers, then he digressed).

we've done flash cards (he gets frustrated too quickly).

we've done reading practice (we both get frustrated too quickly).

we've done wii/gameboy games (they're not fun like the other games available).

now what?

no really. i have no ideas left.

so. yeah, tuesday: you win.

but i will be back. i WILL find an answer. fuck you district 81. i WILL find help for my son.

mama bear is NOT hibernating yet

so. growl. i do not respond well to being poked with a stick. parent teacher problems persist. here's the latest. please, PLEASE let me know if i'm over reacting. although a suppose at this point, the last email has already been sent...but if i need to back down, please, PLEASE let me know. my mama bear tends to growl first (although a thought out and thoroughly contemplated growl) and ask if i'm over reacting second...

email one: my initial email yesterday morning:

Good morning-

It appears that conference time for this semester has come and gone and my opportunity to discuss [spawn's] progress has been overlooked.

This year and last year both I requested phone conferences due to my work schedule. Both years no phone conference happened.

The lack of response is particularly frustrating this year given the classroom meeting in October and my sincere desire to stay on top of things and help make this year a good year for [spawn]. Additionally, it is frustrating that even after making sure the correct contact information was provided I have not received any feedback from the classroom at all since our meeting.

I have had feedback from [principal] and [spawn]. From [spawn's] side, he reported that things improved for a bit after the meeting but then began to backslide again and his efforts have been met with little assistance or patience and even some resistance again. I do understand that this is his side of the story only, but I am more than apt to believe it is an increasingly accurate depiction of events as I, as the parent, am receiving the same results.

I would like to request an honest answer as to why so little effort is being made to meet us half way in these efforts. I do understand busy schedules and a classroom full of families to work with. I do not understand why nothing at all is being done. I would even go so far as to say that while I do feel the original meeting was helpful in having my concerns heard, I also feel that the majority of the meeting was spent defending or making excuses at the classroom level and that the only real help came when [principal] joined and was able to provide a buffer of sorts to help move things along. I do not understand where the friction originated and I do not understand why it is so difficult to resolve.

As it seems phone conferences are not an available option, I would request a classroom meeting again, with [principal] if possible, to discuss [spawn's] progress since the last meeting.  I would also like to note that as of January 1, 2011 I will no longer be working and would like to request a list of the best times to volunteer in the classroom in a more hands on approach to helping make this school year better and more successful.

Thank you for your time-

[mama bear]

email two: her response yesterday afternoon:

[mama bear],

I sent several notices home and E-mails were sent requesting a response on times that worked for you.  I have not received anything from you.  I am still doing conferences this week and would love to meet with you.  You are the only one who has not responded on a time.  When I schedule a phone conference, parents will let me know what time works best for them.  I think it is important for [spawn] to know that you are also looking at his portfolio of work while we are conferencing.  I know employers are usually very supportive of allowing their employees to conference with the teachers twice a year.
Let me know a time you can meet in the morning or right after school.

[teacher]

email three: my response this morning:

[teacher]-

To date this is the first email I have received of any nature since our October meeting. Additionally, one notice was sent home for conferences. It was signed and returned the same week.

I strongly resent the implication that I am a liar. I also strongly resent the continued blame and lack of personal responsibility on your part. As stated at the conference in October, there are multiple way to reach me via cell phone, work phone, and mail to the home in addition to email. If it was as apparent as it seems that I was the only one to not respond, I would have to ask why a phone call was not made or further effort, especially given the previous attention and efforts on my part.

I also strongly resent that my emails to you are discussed with my son in the classroom. He has no prior knowledge to my communications with you and for him to be dressed down and grilled in the classroom is beyond inappropriate. Such matters as discussed herein are parent-teacher matters only.

I feel, at this time, that no further progress can be made between you and I. It seems we are at an impasse. I would request that a dedicated third party be appointed for routing and mitigating all future communications.

I will be filing a formal complaint with the school board over these matters and the treatment both my son and I have been subjected to over the past year and a half.

I again request a list of times available to volunteer in the classroom as I feel even more strongly now that my presence in the classroom is vital to making sure my son has a successful second half of the school year.


[mama bear]

so. what say you bloggosphere?

what did you do for summer vacation?

well, since the kids are probably doing one of these right now, suppose i’d better do one too. especially since i’ve been terrible about keeping up on blogs lately...and there’s been A LOT to keep up on.

so. what did i do this summer?

well, If you’ve been following along on facebook or twitter, you’ll know that the past few months have been rough. well...rough is putting it kindly. while i haven’t suffered any direct blows, the gusts from passing hurricanes have been enough to knock me well off course and leave me questioning many things.

back in may 1/2our child support disappeared which didn’t seem too bad at first...but then i started looking at the numbers and back to school, babysitting, winter bills...it made sense to move instead of staying where we were. it was either stay and be to the penny or move and have a little wiggle room. i decided being stressed out all the time didn’t sound so fun. what’s that you say? didn’t we JUST move? why yes, yes we did. in fact a few odds and end boxes were still packed. SO...june was filled with trying to figure out what to do, where to go, downsizing, deciding what to keep and what we could part with. it’s gotten easier over the years thankfully. one good thing about moving so often (tally is officially 11 times in 11 years now) is that you learn not to be a pack rat: you learn not to be attached to anything...which is good and bad. i laugh at people that say they’ve been hanging on to clothes for 10 years hoping they’ll fit into them...oh hell no! that would mean i’ve moved clothes i haven’t worn in years multiple times! screw that! needless to say, value village received a hefty donation from us. AGAIN. there were also many adds placed on craigslist to help pare down AGAIN.

so...july comes around, we have oldest spawn’s birthday (can you believe i have an 11 year old?? UGH.). we find a place to move into, and, we have a week off from babysitting. what do you do when there’s a week of no babysitter but no time off work? you find a back up. i decided to let my mum have the boys for a week which was NOT an easy decision for me. at all. and i’m still kicking myself for it. BUT...having both boys out of the house made it MUCH easier for me to pack and get things ready for the move. so...boys left for the week, i started packing, then the biggest blow of the summer hit. on july 27th i had a phone call from oldest spawns dad that: brace yourselves: his wife and infant son had died. i’m sorry...WHAT?! that doesn’t happen anymore! but i guess it does. she was 27, full term pregnancy, just...gone. both of them. for some reason she stopped breathing and by the time they were able to get baby out he had been without oxygen too long so he lost both of them. WHAT? no. they were a young, happy, healthy couple. this doesn’t happen to people. this is FUCKED UP. no. this is not what happens. she pops out baby, they have a happy little cul-de-sac life and go about their business...spawn becomes a big brother again...it all goes on as planned. THIS IS NOT THE PLAN. which, if i’m thinking that on the far edges of this, i can’t imagine what was happening at the epicenter. so. i have to get a hold of my mum, let her know what’s going on, let her know that son will be getting picked up so his dad can tell him the news. WOW. that was on a monday, so the rest of the week was spend juggling work, packing, moving, large spawn going to/from dad’s house, viewing, funeral, trying to maintain some kind of normalcy. that was a helluva week. a long week. in the middle of it, my cute neighbors from the last house call and let me know they’ve had their baby...nice and healthy, things are going great...so hard to hear in the middle of everything else. so. we’re moving. both landlords (new and old) are being difficult, there’s a funeral- it’s crazy. the two days i did the actually moving were BOTH record breaking days on the heat scale which SUCKED. i’ve always moved in the winter time which i have to say i would do a million times over before moving in the summer time again. SUCK. things are crazy, we’re between two houses, trying to get everything done...and of course that’s not enough to balance. my dad came to town for my company picnic which was the saturday i was moving. hoped to be done in time so we could all go, but that wasn’t working out, so i was hoping he’d be able to take youngest spawn while oldest spawn was at the funeral and i was finishing up moving. turns out my mum decided to take my youngest son to the funeral WITHOUT ASKING for no reason AND let him do a viewing of the casket containing not only the oldest spawns step mother but also the infant baby. now i’ve never personally done a viewing, but i know they’re hard when it’s an adult. they’re crazy hard when there’s a child or a baby. most adults can’t handle it. and here she is taking my six year old through the line to see. WHAT THE FUCK? and i’m sitting at home trying to call her because she was supposed to be dropping off small son for the company picnic and for FOUR HOURS i couldn’t reach her. which when you combine her and my small spawn and being out of reach, previous circumstances, moving stress...you can only guess how crazy that made me. add in the insane heat and zero sleep and exhaustion from moving heavy things (really, i need foam furniture). i was losing my mind by the end of the day. it was NOT good. i was a freaking mess. those of you whom have been unfortunate enough to see e go crazy...multiply that by about 5. thankfully the small child came home, the moving was finished, it was time for a breather...right? yeah, not so much. the next week was spent unpacking, cleaning the new place (seems they forgot to get that done before i moved in), trying to patch things together for oldest son before he left on a road trip with his dad (they decided they both needed time together to help each other get over the atom bomb that had been dropped on them). it wasgoing rough, but not horrible compared to the previous week. but, it was to the point where i actually laughed on wednesday night and said: “it can’t get much worse. what the hell can thursday throw at me that hasn’t already hit?” i was joking. i was being factious. apparently thursday did not get the message. first thing thursday morning (8/6) i get a phone call that my younger brother had an accident earlier in the week and is in a medically induced coma in seattle. turns out he had an accident on his bike(pedal bike), the chain broke, he went ass over teakettle and fractured his skull requiring 4 hours of neurosurgery to relieve the bleeding putting pressure on his brain. he’s fine now (well, recovering anyway...not just “fine” after something like that..but survived in once piece). but holy shit! at this point i lost my temper with the universe a little bit and not so politely asked it to “back the fuck off and give me a little breathing room” (don’t believe me? check my twitter around that time...i actually ended up cursing out the universe a few times that week). happy to report, the universe has been very compliant and has backed off. things are going well now...cross your fingers and hope i didn’t jinx myself again!!

BUT...little brother is in the hospital, my car decided to pick this time for the pcv pipe to fail which, if you don’t know, that part controls the vacuum on your car. it turns out that’s slightly important- the vacuum helps the engine run, helps the brakes run, basically makes your car go and stop. without a pcv pipe it’s pretty damn hard to do either. so i can’t exactly jet over to seattle to see my brother...i’m just waiting for phone call updates and news...just a bit stressful. good news is it all turned out okay. car has since been fixed, little brother has since been released from the hospital, universe, as i stated has in fact backed off a bit (okay, a LOT...thank you universe!). things have calmed back down- for me anyway. but plenty of friends are still getting hit pretty damn hard. it’s been a shitty summer all the way around it seems.

so, what does it look like after the dust settles? well, oldest son is doing well for such a HUGE loss this young. we have good days and bad days. i’m trying to give him room but not let him get away with everything. it’s a fine line to walk and there’s not really many user guides on how to deal with shit like this. but he’s back to school now and that’s helping too. youngest son had a good summer all counted. time at the lake, learned to swim, nothing really big in his world besides the move. on the plus side, SINCE the move he had been staying dry at night and not needing diapers which has been a HUGE battle for us...so yea! me...well, i’m still crazy. but doing okay. it’s been a lot. it’s been a hard summer. the good news is that the state is actually working on my child support case so one way or another something will happen. we have an AMAZING new house how (triplex) that has such an amazing vibe to it. the new neighborhood is amazing, we have great people, great friends around us for the first time since moving to town two years ago (instead of being stuck in “the ghetto” part of town with everyone all spread out). i’ve had more people over and more get together’s/bbq’s at the new house in the month since we moved than i’ve had in the two years since we moved to spokane. I LOVE IT. it’s so great i can’t even say. we’re back into a small two bedroom apartment which i honestly LOVE more than the houses we’ve been in. never thought i’d go back to an apartment, but it’s so nice having everything close, only rooms that we use (both of the houses had rooms we never stepped foot into). the budget is better now so we can breathe and i won’t be so stressed out all the time (well, about that part of life anyway!). when all’s said and done, it’s so much better now. there’s still shit going on, it’s by no means fairy tales and rainbows now, but it’s closer now than it’s been in a LONG time.

this is surprisingly a really readers digest version of the summer. there was much more emotion, craziness, overall white coat inducing insanity than could ever be communicated. it seemed for a few weeks there that universe was honestly seeing how far it could push before i checked into a ward...wanted to write at those times but it was too much. it’s better now with a little time- a little perspective. i’m still working through most of it in my head- giant issues like: why did it work out when spawns dad and i got knocked up and did it all backwards but went to shit when he planned and prepared and did it the right way? how do you explain death to an 11 year old? how do you explain why his baby brother never had a chance to breathe? how do you explain to ANYONE why that happened? how do you deal with family when one side never stops letting you down and the other side never stops yelling at you for not trusting the side that lets you down? what happens when you see the world falling apart for everyone around you and you realize that a) you have no one close enough that would be that devastating to lose, and that b) you have no one to help you that through all the shit? how do you deal with the feeling of jealousy over someone that just lost their spouse because at least they had someone they loved and were that close to? what do you do when you realize you’ve become so bitter and jaded that it’s hard to imagine being any other way?

well. this just took a turn for the dark. welcome to my head. i keep trying to block those things out because i just honestly can’t face them or deal with them right now but they’re obviously still kicking around in there.

time to distract: SO. that was my summer “vacation”. it’s actually nice to have everyone back to school, have a routine again, a bedtime, a schedule. i’m sure there will be adjustments along the way- oldest spawn will actually be challenged and have homework and hard projects for the first time. he’ll also be around peers that are ALL like him now so it won’t be as easy for him to play king of the world...might do him a bit of good! youngest spawn is doing great so far in first grade...good teacher, excited to be learning. this year’s first day of school went a MILLION times better than the first day last year (if you don’t remember that blog...well, it’s been a year and i still can’t think of it without way too many bad words popping in my head!). this weekend they get to run away and visit the grandparents for a few days and do their final back to school shopping (read: coerce grandparents into spoiling them rotten). anyway. good vibe. good house. good kids. things are good right now. crossing my fingers and hoping it lasts for a while!

i'm a mama bear

so. yesterday my older son had a symposium at school. each student picked out an historical person, researched them, designed a web page with the information, and had to put together a costume and "be" that person (answer questions) at the symposium. it was a LOT of work, and son picked Hokusai (Japanese artist) who is his FAVORITE person to date and the person he most wants to be like when he grows up (he's getting really good at his art).

SO. symposium from 4-630. on a thursday. he really wanted me AND his dad to go. dad had a doctor apt with new wife for new baby at 230...they'd try to make it (even my longest dr apt didn't last 4 hours). so. i go. i'm freaked out because i don't do well with large groups of strangers, especially when most of them are dressed up in some of the most random (and freaky looking) costumes you've ever seen shoved in one tiny school room (picture HALF of a standard middle school gym). it was great, he was excited to show off his costume, show me his web page (he searched for and loaded over 20 pictures on to his page plus information). and guess what...dad was a no-show. sad.

so. after it's all said and done, son says he's mad at dad. i can understand that. he's 10. this was a big deal for him. disappointment sucks. he asked if he could send his dad a text to tell him he was upset. sure. i'm a believer that kids are fully allowed to have and express their emotions. i may not always agree with his emotions or be happy about the way he chooses to express them, but he's entitled to them. the following is the text conversation with dad:

son: i am mad at you for not coming. it was really inportant to me ]:

dad: you are not the only member of this family

son: neither are you

dad: when you are ready to talk about this, i am

son: it was INPORTANT!!!!!!!!

dad: your mom can make arrangements to drop you off with my parents if you are going to act like this. i though you could be more mature than this.

dad: it's spelled important

wow. okay. the mama bear is so coming out in me. what you also missed is that between the last important from son and the rant from dad there was a LONG phone call with son in tears the instant the phone started ringing. to sum up dad said that if he missed the baby appointment he would be in the dark (because wife couldn't tell him about it afterwords???) and it was more important than some school thing (yes, some school thing). he went on to tell son he was acting immature and childish. umm...i'm sorry...HE'S TEN. he's allowed to be a little childish at times because...wait for it....HE IS A CHILD. you asshat. as to acting immature...who's the one arguing with a ten year old about how to spell important?? and refusing to drive him to meet the grandparents NEXT weekend because he's mad?? talk about a hissy fit! sheesh! i mean REALLY?? this was IMPORTANT to son. i get that the baby is important too, i get that it's a hard call to make, but i'm sure the appointment didn't last the WHOLE time of the symposium (it was probably over before the symposium started) and even if it did, HE'S not the prego one, he could have left and been filled in later. even if it was an ultrasound (which it wasn't, just a regular apt) they would have filmed it and he could have watched the dvd later. i mean COME ON. the sad thing is that this is just a sign of what's to come when the baby gets here. it's what i've been afraid of since they said the stick turned pink. son is already getting shoved off to the side and told he's not as important as new baby. and i get that it's their first. they're building their own new little family. but you already have another son...i get that he's not BOTH of theirs, but he's already here and he IS important. and this was a big deal to him. he's been working on it for months.

and a REALLY BIG part of me wants to call dad and rip into him a little bit. but it won't do any good. phone call would go like this:

me: you were very inappropriate with your son last night.

him: you don't know everything. call me when you're ready to have an adult conversation. *HANG UP*

(yes, he's pulled that on me several times already followed by months of refusing to talk to me and telling son what a bitch i am...yes, he calls me a bitch to our son)

so. for now i'm supporting son. he cried quite a bit last night. it was HEART BREAKING. and i told him that it was fine that he was upset and i was proud of him for telling his dad that he was upset (usually he's too scared to say anything...i understand why). he said he wanted to talk to the counselor at school today and i said that would probably be a good idea. and we'll order a pizza and do a gilmore girls marathon this weekend (i'm not ashamed to say my son is addicted to gilmore girls like me...he likes kirk). we'll make funny faces at each other and i'll make him clean his room then he'll be mad at me too. this too shall pass. at least i'm not the most hated one this week! YES!