fresh start

it is officially the new year.

2013 is all of 34 minutes old and already i'm a bit of a fan.

13 is my lucky number- odd, but what else would you expect from me? so here's to a lucky year!

this is the first year i've ever gone out for new years- it was a nice quiet evening at a local wine bar with delicious appetizers and dinner as well as a few bottles of wine and a champagne toast at midnight (and a great view of the fireworks from the bay window). great friends, good food, good wine- pretty damn good start to the new year.

27 minutes after new year i was home snuggly and safe in my own home, delivered safely by a designated driver. as nice as it was to be out, it's nice to be home because i love my home, i love my spawns and at the end of the day, it's where i want to be.

going forward into 2013 i've made a few GOALS, not resolutions. resolution sounds a bit too terrifying for me- if you don't meet your resolution then it's a slow torturous death in the secret chamber sucking away a year at a time for you. at least that's what it seems like.

now, i've never been a new years resolution kinda girl. i've never been any kind of goal/resolution girl to tell you the truth. i never planned on college when i was in high school. i've never been one for a 5 year plan or a 10 year plan. i'm a slight commitment-phobe to tell the truth. setting goals or making resolutions means you have to stick to things. never been very good at that.

i've never had a car payment more than a year. my longest relationship was 23 months, most average 3 months. i bought my house in one check- no 60 year mortgage for me. i've moved 13 times in 13 years. i've managed to keep plants alive for 5 years- that's pretty damn remarkable, but then again they're plants and don't require much (although i can't remember the last time i watered them...that streak may be ending soon).

i'm just not a commitment kinda girl. i'm not a plan kinda girl. i'm not sure what kind of girl i am.

BUT. this year i'm changing some of that. can't say all of it...baby steps here people. come on now...let's be reasonable.

so. i'm making a plan. i'm making several plans. i'm trying to keep them reasonable so they're achievable. i get the whole "shoot for the stars, at least you'll hit the moon" bullshit, but i'm doing damn good to even be shooting, so lets not get all wild and crazy here.  but PLANS: i'z gots them.

proper grammar isn't on the list apparently.

here's to 2013:

1 dinner party a month: i love to entertain. i love to cook. i love my dining room. i've spent WAY TOO MUCH MONEY collecting fancy serving plates and such that rarely see the light of day. so i'm fixing that. ONE dinner a month is totally reasonable and FUN! that's the goal at least. i'll be PLANNING (so strange to use that word) out each month SOON so people can get it on the calendar and join up. a chance to cook fancy shit, share wine and fun, and just...BE SOCIAL. i'm excited.

4 meals at home a week: yes, this should be a no brainer. BUT. with the spawns and schedules- we end up eating out WAY too much. add in the "i don't like that" chorus or the "we don't have the stuff to make that" answer when they do want food at home- it's unhealthy and we're making a change! three nights a week is doable. more than doable. i haven't actually been keeping track- we may be there or close already. we'll start PLANNING meals in advance, grocery shopping more specifically, getting things ready ahead of time (defrosting meat for example). here's to family dinners and healthier eating.

working out: i had written down daily, but let's start with 3 days a week and work up from there. healthier, not skinnier is the goal. i need to get on it for several reasons- TOP of the list is to get the fucking WII to stop saying "that's obese" although i have a feeling that may never happen. stupid WII. but it needs to happen for my gallbladder, for my health, for my self esteem- it just needs to happen. i have my office set up with plenty of space, i'm committed to getting up earlier in the mornings (night just never works out), and making other changes (going to bed earlier) to help keep on track.

one blog post a week: i need to write more. writing is my way of working out what's in my head, checking in, doing SOMETHING. i need to write more than when things are shitty or when something crazy is going on (London Calling anyone?). i need to get in a habit of just putting things out there, good, bad, indifferent. as long as it's something. once a week is perfectly reasonable- there's enough time on the weekends if not during the week. no reason it can't happen.

home: i'm going to keep working on it. i did the initial push before i moved in and i've just been sitting staring at what isn't finished for the last year and a half. i'm going to work on recycling more, planting a garden, doing the landscaping that i planned on all last summer and never even started. i'm going to make my outdoor theater a reality. i'm going to find a way to get a fucking bathroom door. there will be a deck railing before the end of summer and a beautiful back lawn- drunk tank and all. i'm going to make home a place that my kids and i LIVE instead of just coming home to at the end of the day. i want it to be a place for us AND FRIENDS to feel comfortable and welcome. i want dinner parties and bbq's and memories. i want art work and family pictures and character. i want HOME. a real home. laughter, noise, chaos, movie nights, birthday parties, wine nights, football games. ok...maybe not so much on the football games. i mean- i'm willing to host, just don't expect me to watch or be excited.

so. HAPPY 2013. here's to changes and making things better and setting goals. i know none of these are long term goals- i'm not saying anything too out there. I'M STILL WORKING ON IT. more to come on that. i'm trying to figure out what i want to be when i grow up now that i'm well up. but. this is a start.

off to bed- that was my first achievement of the year- a clean, fresh, beautiful new room for new years, and I DID IT. rearranged the furniture, washed all the bedding (pillows and all), baking soda/vacuumed the mattress, i went ALL OUT. i even researched feng shui to make sure i was going as much as possible to make it a good space. i'm excited to curl up and snuggle in for my first new, fresh night in this shiny new year.

cheers darlings, may 2013 be a great year for all.

Femme Writes: Women in the Work Place

On the 5th of every month, bloggers from around the world are open to write about rights and issues concerning women. First started by Shine and Marie, we’re hoping to bring a variety of women’s issues to the forefront to make people aware of what’s going on. For the month of June, we’ve chosen to write about Women in the Workplace. Please join us in telling us your stories, thoughts, and ideas on a monthly basis. To read previous installments, click here.

ok kids. so the name of the game today is: Women in the Workplace. i happen to be a woman, and i happen to be fortunate enough to be one of those increasingly rare people with a workplace. so. this is my take on it.

i have been at my job for ten year. TEN YEARS people. and i’m not even 30 yet…for a few more months. yes i  keep mentioning it. ITS THIRTY PEOPLE. anywho…i’ve been around a WHILE. there’s so many different tangents i want to pop off on…i could write four or five VERY DIFFERENT blogs on this topic…maybe i’ll come back to it again soon. today though, i want to throw out there how LUCKY our generation of women are when it comes to workplaces. when we sit back and look at it…no matter how much we hate our jobs some days or complain about boy’s clubs, or think that some places are so backwards the basic fact is that women are allowed in the workplace now. and (for the most part) respected in the work place.

different conversations have come up around our office at different times, and it wasn’t so long ago that the workplace was VERY different for women. the gals here are just in their 60’s and they talk about what it was like when they started working…holy crap…i wouldn’t have lasted a day kids. i would have been kicked out, tried as a witch, and banished to my kitchen, barefoot and pregnant for all time. which wouldn’t have been great since i can barely handle my two kids, and SUCK at most betty crocker attempts. a formal dinner party? you mean something where paper plates aren’t allowed? I’M OUT.

but you listen to these gals talk…DAMN GALS. we’re lucky.

maybe a month ago, one of our female engineers left on maternity leave. (FEMALE engineer...catch that? HELLZ YES). maternity leave- doesn’t sound like a big deal. i went on maternity leave 7 years ago for my small spawn and didn’t think twice about it. OF COURSE i would go on maternity leave. OF COURSE i would come back to work after my set number of weeks. what’s there to think about? well, the little engineer that could went out on leave and the rest of us started talking about when we had our kids and what the company was like at the time. turns out it was only back in the 70’s in my company when the first woman (and she was fairly high up in the company) was allowed out on maternity leave as we know it. in other words she left FULLY INTENDING TO COME BACK. not just to go home, pop out babies, and be a house wife forever thereafter. the 70’s kids. that isn’t so long ago. and she was a trailblazer for coming back to work. BIG FUCKING DEAL back then. now days it’s just…whatever. of course i’ll leave and come back. thirty years ago. that’s it. thirty years ago and my whole career would have been different.

hell- thirty years ago and i wouldn’t have even HAD a career- single 19 year old mom- i would have been locked away “back east visiting relatives.” yikes.

but much more has changed besides maternity leave- 30 years ago there is no way in hell i would have been allowed into my office the way i dress. you see, it’s friday (i’m writing early because a saturday post? are you kidding?). friday = casual day. hell- most days are casual day for me. probably more days than should be. today i’m in jeans (nice, clean jeans), a nice cotton shirt, and chuck taylors. JEANS. SNEAKERS. at the corporate office. thirty years ago casual day didn’t exist. if you worked in an office it was SKIRT, blouse, hose, and heels. EVERY. DAY.(and don't forget your slip. only trashy girls wear a skirt without a slip!)  i would have gone insane. i HAVE several cute skirts. i HAVE my share of gorgeous heels. but EVERY. SINGLE. DAY? i'm not opposed to being all business, but the fact is i sit at a desk on the third floor, well away from any customers or even people outside out department. does wearing a skirt affect my ability answer the phone and type a letter? thinking: not so much. but thirty years ago it wouldn't have mattered. SKIRTS. PERIOD. and i know some offices are still that way- bigger cities, legal offices, more professional offices where people are greeting/working with the customers all the time. i'm spoiled, i know that. several gals have talked about when they started working and it WAS the pencil skirts and suits. not even slacks- pants were for men. and now...so different.

and i know these things seems stupid. they seems small. and that's the way it should be. that's the way the women before us have made it. MAD PROPS GALS. thanks for making my career livable! and I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW there is so much room for improvement. i know that pay is NOT equal. i know that women are still being passed over for jobs due to the ever enduring "good ol boys club." i know that there's still sexual harrasment. i could talk about a boss that told me "it would be better if i stuck to office work. it's better for women" or how he accused me of trying to blackmail him and whore my way to the top for daring to speak up when he was doing illegal and unethical things. i KNOW there's still bullshit. i know that every day i go to work and there's high school graduates making twice what i make with a bachelors degree because they're in "boy jobs" (linemen, warehouse workers, heavy equipment operators). but STILL. looking at where we've been, and looking at where we are...HUGE strides have been made, and now it's up to us to keep pushing and make even bigger strides for the next generation. i HOPE that one day girls can look back and say "what's the big deal" about some of the things we're fighting for now in the workplace. i hope that one day they can have their choice of jobs, equal pay, equal treatment WITHOUT QUESTION. but for now, i'm going to enjoy sitting in my jeans, speaking my mind, and even HAVING a job.

dear wii-liam: I HATE YOU

so. one of the nifty things about owning a wii is that you get to "name" it. ooo...fancy. mine happens to be named wii-lliam. see what i did there? yeah...i'm THAT creative. sad. so. the nice thing about naming your wii is that when you get mad at it, you have a name to curse in vain. it really helps. take yesterday for example:

i've been working out for TWENTY TWO DAYS. 22. that's A LOT. almost a whole month. i mean...FOREVER. and i've been working out close to an hour every day doing cardio, strength, yoga, balance, ALL of it. i sweat. and i hurt. and i'm exhausted. well, when you work out on the wii it measures you EVERY.DAMN.DAY. i've gotten used to ignoring it calling me obese every single day. i know it will take a while to change. it still irks me, but i'm finding my zen place. i know i'm losing inches (pants. falling. off.) so i'm ok. until yesterday. it automatically set a 2 week "goal" for me. and yesterday was the end of the two weeks. so. up it pops: "oh, i noticed it's your goal date! let's check your progress!"

I KNOW MY PROGRESS YOU BASTARD! YOU TELL ME I'M FAT EVERY FUCKING DAY!!

but whatever. let's check: "oh, i noticed you didn't reach your goal. and your weight indicates you're obese. maybe you should try watching what you eat."

YES. IT REALLY SAID THAT. i almost understood all the pictures of tv screens with wii-motes sticking out of them. WII-LLIAM: I HATE YOU. i about cried. instead i did boxing and channeled the angry energy there. and ended up hurting my knee. ~sigh~

in other news: i've found a second source of motivation (since the dress STILL doesn't fit). you see, i have a ninja around my house. it's handy. really. for several reasons. here's the thing about ninjas: they're REALLY in shape. like 17% body fat in shape. and they're FAST. so when they make fun of you for NOT having 17% body fat (or having WELL OVER 17% body fat) you have to work REALLY HARD to hit them. which is good. also. they eat. A TON. so left overs are NEVER a problem at my house. ever. GONE. my particular ninja also happens to be very good at yoga and has *cough*nicely*cough* told me how i'm doing my poses wrong. re-enter the fact that they're REALLY FAST. and when you're trying to un-pretzle AND hit a really fast ninja...well, they should make a work out video JUST FOR THAT. or i can just set up a camera in my house and sell it to you all. if nothing else, laughing burns calories, right? so, if you don't have your own personal ninja: go get one. they're nifty to have around. mostly.

the point? i suppose all this should have a point: EVEN THOUGH the wii is laughing at me every day and calling me obese and suggesting i "try eating healthy" (WHAT DO YOU CALL THE RABBIT FOOD I'VE BEEN EATING ALL WEEK YOU WII-TARD), and even though i have a ninja that reminds me how un-ninja i am, I'VE STUCK WITH IT! and i'm going to stick with it. 22 days is technically into the "new habit" zone. and it's true. i find myself planning how/when to fit my work out in every day now instead of finding excuses to avoid it. and i slightly panic when i have a busy day and can't find time (so far i've always found time). and i find myself checking what i eat and HOW MUCH of it i'm eating now thinking about working it off later. and i pick water over soda as a reflex now. and I'M DOING IT! IN IT TO GYM IT BABY!

things i would buy:

so. i've been working on skinny-ing up this chubby bunny backside. if you're sick of hearing about it already...SUCKS TO BE YOU. this is a big change for me!!

any-who. working out gives you time to think. well, when you're not thinking of new curse words to yell at the machine anyway.


so. all this working out and thinking- i've come up with a few things that someone needs to get off their ass and invent cause i would TOTALLY buy it:


#1: kama sutra for the wii. a "grown up" version of the wii fit. use a slightly bigger balance board made for TWO people. then teach them how to get into the poses, have the little balance circle that they have to stay inside, show them how many calories they're burning, let them set up "routines" or positions that go well together. i'm telling you: SMASH HIT. seriously. think about it: working out increases endorphins and testosterone and all that junk. which makes you *ahem* "more energetic". so. yeah.


#2: a camel pack that doesn't weigh anything. cause when i'm working out i get thirsty. and i don't want to stop and pick up my water bottle. so i COULD get a camel pack like motocross racers wear, but water weighs A TON. and my wii fit already calls me obese. so. you know...like make one that floats. or attaches to a helium balloon. or SOMETHING. help a chubby bunny out people!


ok. so those are the only two thoughts i had. i guess i spent a bit more of my time thinking up new curse words to call my wii. (wii-tard is the most popular right now...i didn't say i was thinking HARD).


umm...i guess that is all. oh...WAIT: if you want to read more about other people working out and getting in shape and get some KICK ASS motivation going on go read the new blog: http://inittogymit.com/ (which i just happen to contribute to). all sorts of amazing people doing amazing things. that is all.