manifesting 2026

it’s 14 days in to the new year and my journal has the date written down 4 times with only one actual worded entry.

off to a smashing start.

to be fair, 2025 was an unusually prolific year for journaling. not so much for blogging, but better than the covid years.

it’s not that my brain has slowed down, at all. it’s that my hands have drastically slowed down (fucking secretary hands anyway) and my ability to hold a thought long enough to actually chase it down to a logical end AND RECORD SAID THOUGHT is almost non-existent. i joke about my swiss cheese brain, but it’s honestly less of a joke and more of a huge annoyance.

i haven’t done any new year manifestation work. i haven’t done any resolutions. i’ve had thoughts of goals. i’ve had thoughts of manifestations. i know i have. well, i’m mostly certain i have. at some point, i’m pretty sure, i think.

fucking swiss cheese brain.

they say that 2026, the year of the horse, is the year you get to take off. ride into the sunset. 2025, the year of the snake, was all about shedding what doesn’t belong in your life anymore (did plenty of that) so that in the year of the horse you can ride forward into your future unencumbered. if you didn’t do the necessary work, 2026 is the year you get drug along by the horse. i’ve seen just enough westerns to know that’s not the vibe i’m going for. fingers crossed all the personal work in 2025 was enough.

the last time i was on an *actual* horse was approximately 1991 (?) at camp gilead. if the name surprises you, please remember i was raised in an insanely devout baptist/evangelical household and while the hand maiden’s tale wasn’t a thing yet, the ideology was already being deeply programmed into my brain. camp gilead: christian kids camp complete with emotional nighttime fire circle jesus calls and overly zealous youth pastor energy counselors. and also, horseback riding.

i’m a little rusty when it comes to horses of the physical and metaphorical kind.

what kind of sunset do i want to ride into? what am i hoping to be unencumbered in my pursuit of?

i should manifest a nice caciocavallo podolico brain: rich, nutty, spicy with a hint of sweetness, firm and smooth. enough of this this swiss cheese bullshit. i want to be unencumbered in my pursuit of thought.

but really, what DO i want out of 2026? assuming the world makes it through 2026. which…at this point…maybe we’ll just focus on Q1.

i want to manifest bills that GO AWAY, not bills that instantly get replaced by other bills. paid off the last stella vet bill and instantly had a bill of equal value added to split out my rent deposit. paid off a credit card and had to open a les schwab account the same month. cut my pet expenses, my utility bill went up. i want bills that GO AWAY. this swap out plan is for sure not it. i don’t want anything else finding new ways for money to exit my accounts. i want money to find its’ way INTO my account please.

i want to manifest a closet full of clothes that aren’t situational. i want clothes that are comfortable, in good condition, no matter what day it is. i’m so tired of the morning jenga puzzle- i can wear these leggings if i wear something over it long enough to cover mouse holes. i can wear that dress as long as i don’t mind wearing sneakers with it and looking like a bad melanie griffith 80’s movie. i can wear that jewelry if i haven’t had any salt in the last week and i’m not even thinking about being bloated. i can wear these jeans if i have the right underwear clean otherwise i have high waisted underwear and low cut jeans AND WHO THE FUCK BROUGHT BACK LOW CUT JEANS? i can wear these shoes if i’m not doing any walking today. i can wear that coat as long as i don’t need pockets. it’s exhausting having body dysmorphia that makes you hate yourself and everything you put on your body ON THE BEST DAY. mix in all the fucking hoops and the jumping and the planning and the fucking endless contingencies. it’s so fucking exhausting. i’m mentally drained before 8 am. gods help me if i’m packing an overnight bag to stay at my partner’s house. you want me to plan who she’s going to be tomorrow? i barely have a grip on today and you want me to know who she’s going to be and what clothes are going to work TOMORROW?

i want to manifest  insurance. all the insurance. the brain, the eyes, the teeth, AND the body. i want ALLLLLLLL the insurance. i’m tired of rationing contacts. hoping for no cavities. patching my broken brain with ideas from my broken brain. ignoring all the aches and pains and creaks and pops and mystery bruises that hopefully don’t mean anything more than clumsiness and forgetting i rearranged furniture. i want to go to GOOD doctors. like, actually good ones. not “D’s get degrees” doctors. i want doctors that know more diagnostic words than “stress,” “weight,” or “being female.” i want to know that getting sick won’t be a death sentence. i want to be able to do things like preventative care, routine screenings, regular check up’s, scheduled cleanings, annual exams. maybe, really shooting for the stars, maybe even massage and chiropractic care. a girl can dream. 

i want to manifest time off. actual, real time off. not a holiday when the store(s) is(are) closed. not a sick day. actual time off, maybe, going really wild, a vacation? haven’t had one of those since 2017. time to go somewhere. see something new. experience more than the same 4 restaurants and businesses. stare at different walls. drink whisky in a different bar in a different state (or country). i want time to relax. breathe. not have to count how many hours are in the sick/safe bank and how many i need to keep in case i get actual sick vs how many i can afford to take off. i want to go somewhere and be able to enjoy myself, not worry what day it is, not worry about how taking these days off is going to make the rest of the year stressful. i’ve been working 6 days a week (some of those running into 10 hour days) for the last year. that’s a long time to pull 6 days a week. i’m ready for a break.

i want to manifest laughter. calm. joy. experiences. learning. sharing. comfort. happiness. abundance. support. love. friendship. growth. i want to manifest days at home making pasta and breads and recipes. nights out experiencing art and music and theater and community. i want to have sun soaked afternoons at terrible baseball games and lake days and adventures. evenings snuggled up with books and the attention span to read more than three paragraphs at a time. nights of peaceful, restorative, snore free sleep.

that all feels like too much and barely scratching the surface at the same time.

anyway. there’s a start at least. 

on manifesting wealth

 so, the other night i jokingly posted to facebook about my new form of manifesting wealth: drinking from my scrooge mcduck pepsi cup.

if you’re a child of the 80’s, you may remember all the pepsi cups- i personally own scrooge mcduck, cool cat, foghorn leghorn, along with two peanuts and two happiness hotel glasses as well as three garfield mugs. yes, they’ve all been recalled for using lead paint. no, i don’t plan on getting rid of them. i don’t lick the outside, so it should be fine, right?

after sending the same picture via snapchat, a friend responded: unlimited wealth and no pants?

YES.

i laughed pretty hard as i was sitting there in my underwear, on a thursday night, eating pizza and cheesy bread. that felt pretty wealthy to me. being able to sit in my underwear, in my own apartment, on a thursday night, with an entire pizza (and cheesy bread) to myself. i call it meal planning- one pizza is at least 3 meals, three days of not having to think about what i’m going to eat. that feels pretty wealthy. not to mention i was drinking royal crown cola, like the queen that i am. queen of my own 400 sq feet.

but then i really leaned in. maybe it was the weed i’ve started smoking again, maybe it was just the change in perspective i’ve been working on fostering, maybe it was both, but man. when you really lean into something, BE READY. it will hit you like a mac truck.

i was sitting alone, in my own apartment. that i pay for. with my bills paid and enough left over for a pizza. that’s three really big things, especially in this economy. my rent is paid. my bills are paid. i have money between paychecks. 

those aren’t a given right now for a shockingly large portion of america. rent is out of control. people are drowing in debit between job lay offs and using credit cards to get through. mortgages are insane because housing costs are insane. groceries are now a “splurge” item according to news outlets. people are working two, three jobs, selling plasma, side hustling, gig working, scraping any and every bit together they can.

in that moment it felt exceptionally rich to be able to sit, on a thursday night, and just enjoy my pizza. nothing to do until work the next morning. no errands to run, no side hustle to work on. just…netflix and pizza.

wealth is a tricky subject. what i recognized as wealth in that moment was NOT what i was thinking of when i made the joke about manifesting. but holy fuck if it wasn’t true, just as it was. i was thinking of a literal scrooge mcduck vault of gold coins to suba dive through. what i found was a much more real and tangible form.

the next day, friday, was payday. i again thought about my wealth manifestation. i budget carefully. very carefully. i look ahead at the calendar and plan for any appointments, events, trips, etc. while paying my bills and splitting out my paycheck. again, i found wealth in an unexpected place: regularly scheduled appointments. i have a hair cut scheduled out for june. i have a regular brow appointment every 5 weeks. i have stella nail trims scheduled every 2 weeks. the ability to schedule appointments in advance and know there will be money there when it’s time? WEALTHY. in so many ways. financially: wealthy. mental health wise? WEALTHY. hair is a big deal for me. it’s a never ending journey of trying to find what works. what feels like me when i look in the mirror. what was a mistake. how long does it take to recover from that mistake? when money gets tight, fancy things, like hair and nails, are the first thing on the chopping block. losing the ability to have regular appointments can make a rough journey even harder because that’s when impulse and DIY creep in. i can’t afford a full color appointment, but for $9.99 i can buy a box of something at walgreens (NEVER, EVER a good idea). i can’t afford a full salon cut, so i’ll try a barber shop (the mullet phase was ROUGH y’all). when i know i have an appointment scheduled, it’s much easier to set down the scissors and the dye. just a few more weeks. don’t touch it. just a few more weeks. you can avoid SO MUCH stress (and months of awkward photos) when you can afford to just have regular appointments scheduled. same for brows. getting an itch to just pluck a few? back away from the tweezers,  you have an appointment next week. don’t you dare ruin all the hard work of the last several years! the 00’s were NOT kind to eyebrows, let’s not go back there again, for the love of low rise jeans and whale tails. 

i imagine the day i’ll have ALL the appointments regularly scheduled again. dentist? it’s been a while. doctor? ha. not doing that without insurance! oil change? technically i’m a few thousand miles under the number limit, and they said the date doesn’t matter as much as the miles. but just imagine- hair color, facials, massage, pedicures, maybe even house cleaning, stella spa days. how luxurious that would be.

having things scheduled AND the ability to pay for them? WEALTHY. i’m part of the way there. but just think…the ability to do regular grocery orders. car maintenance. subscriptions (hulu, netflix, etc). vitamins. appointments of all kinds. OH MAN. the thought of how good this would be for my mental health? whew. regular self care, food stability, transportation stability, housing stability, health stability. all scheduled, secure, budgeted for. WEALTHY.

that’s my next goal.

speaking of goals, there’s a certain level of wealthy that goes with being able to set goals.

i was scrolling tiktok and there’s a new, gen z version of dave ramsey floating around chewing people out and giving them advice for how to unfuck their finances. while listening to him yell at someone, the thought occurred to me: there is SUCH a difference between living paycheck to paycheck and just living. when you can only plan 3 paychecks in advance, universe willing, it’s hard to plan for the future. really hard.

i plan three paycheck in advance. that is extravagant to me after the last few years. and even that feels like balancing on a razors edge. i can plan three paychecks (6 weeks) in advance AS LONG AS…

as long as i don’t get sick. as long as i don’t miss any days. as long as nothing comes up. as long as nothing breaks. as long as i don’t get invited to anything. as long as i don’t make any mistakes (mathematically or purchase wise). as long as i don’t do any emotional spending. as long as i don’t forget anything. as long as…as long as…it can be exhausting always holding on by your fingernails and always being on high alert.

there hasn’t been savings. or investments. i wasn’t allowed to have either for a long time. qualifying for any government assistance over the years meant not having any resources. you’re not allowed to have retirement, investments, land, cars, boats, savings, any resources over $5,000. if you’re that rich, you obviously don’t need government help. i don’t know about you, but $5,000 doesn’t go very far in the grand scheme of things. maybe it did when they first wrote the rules, but i can promise you that number hasn’t been updated in at least 26 years even though every other parameter has extremely changed. i spent 26 years learning how to survive without a safety net, it’s hard to learn to build one now (hard, but not impossible, i have to keep reminding myself).

i don’t plan for the future right now. there is no 5 year plan. there is no retirement plan. there is no generational wealth that i’m leaving behind plan. there’s “i hope i can make it to friday without my other brake light going out” and “i can eat toast and cereal til friday” plans. 

i think the next level of wealth i want to work on is being able to plan. a vacation in 6 months (both the time off AND money for it). i want to plan on having more regularly scheduled appointments, maybe more than one at a time. i want to plan on retirement.i want to plan on more than just making it by the skin of my teeth. social security is a joke. there won’t be any left by 2048. if there is, it won’t be enough to live on the way cost of living keeps increasing. 401k and IRA are phrases i know but not things i have.

being able to plan for the future, in some ways, also means you plan on having a future. i don’t really remember a time when i planned on having a future. “just get through today. just make it til friday. just make it to next friday.” those have been the mantra for 26 years.

and i don’t know if you know this, but the world is a shitty place. people die all the time of fires, cancer, overdose, car accidents, covid, suicide. young people. people my age. people my parents age. the odds of making it to an age where retirement is even a possibility doesn’t seem possible. there’s a horrible old joke about people that retired just in time to die. how many have i known? more than a few. retired for a few months then a heart attack or an accident hits. a few years away from retirement and a fire wipes everything out. starting to plan for retirement and cancer knocks on your door.

it’s hard to plan for the future when you don’t really think there’s much of one coming. it’s hard to be interested in staying alive today when there’s no future. that’s a brutal sentence, but that’s where i’ve been for the last several years.

facing eviction while being unemployed for 7 months was incredibly traumatic. what options were there? was there a point to finding options? what options was a looking for? recovery strategies or exit strategies? what options am i looking for now? survival plans or growth plans?

the old phrase: money can’t buy happiness is a lie. sure, there’s no item on a shelf you can buy labeled “happiness” but there ARE items called groceries. housing. stability. security. health. all those go a LONG way towards happiness. when you’re not constantly worried about one mistake. stretching a dime into a dollar when even a dollar isn’t quite enough.

i’m working on buying my happiness. i’ve got a good start. a lay away plan. pizza in my underwear on a thursday plan. regularly scheduled appointments plan. the knowledge and discipline to make and stick with a budget. i’ll keep chipping away at it. wealth shows up all the time in unexpected ways and unexpected packages. an unexpected pedicure treat from a friend who doesn’t like to go alone but wants to try to keep his feet healthy. a free coffee because you hit double points day. new tires for your car because a friend cares about your safety (that’s a twofer!).

anyway. TL/DR manifesting works. pizza in your underwear is awesome. wealth is a matter of perspective. money can buy happiness.