dear wii-liam: I HATE YOU

so. one of the nifty things about owning a wii is that you get to "name" it. ooo...fancy. mine happens to be named wii-lliam. see what i did there? yeah...i'm THAT creative. sad. so. the nice thing about naming your wii is that when you get mad at it, you have a name to curse in vain. it really helps. take yesterday for example:

i've been working out for TWENTY TWO DAYS. 22. that's A LOT. almost a whole month. i mean...FOREVER. and i've been working out close to an hour every day doing cardio, strength, yoga, balance, ALL of it. i sweat. and i hurt. and i'm exhausted. well, when you work out on the wii it measures you EVERY.DAMN.DAY. i've gotten used to ignoring it calling me obese every single day. i know it will take a while to change. it still irks me, but i'm finding my zen place. i know i'm losing inches (pants. falling. off.) so i'm ok. until yesterday. it automatically set a 2 week "goal" for me. and yesterday was the end of the two weeks. so. up it pops: "oh, i noticed it's your goal date! let's check your progress!"

I KNOW MY PROGRESS YOU BASTARD! YOU TELL ME I'M FAT EVERY FUCKING DAY!!

but whatever. let's check: "oh, i noticed you didn't reach your goal. and your weight indicates you're obese. maybe you should try watching what you eat."

YES. IT REALLY SAID THAT. i almost understood all the pictures of tv screens with wii-motes sticking out of them. WII-LLIAM: I HATE YOU. i about cried. instead i did boxing and channeled the angry energy there. and ended up hurting my knee. ~sigh~

in other news: i've found a second source of motivation (since the dress STILL doesn't fit). you see, i have a ninja around my house. it's handy. really. for several reasons. here's the thing about ninjas: they're REALLY in shape. like 17% body fat in shape. and they're FAST. so when they make fun of you for NOT having 17% body fat (or having WELL OVER 17% body fat) you have to work REALLY HARD to hit them. which is good. also. they eat. A TON. so left overs are NEVER a problem at my house. ever. GONE. my particular ninja also happens to be very good at yoga and has *cough*nicely*cough* told me how i'm doing my poses wrong. re-enter the fact that they're REALLY FAST. and when you're trying to un-pretzle AND hit a really fast ninja...well, they should make a work out video JUST FOR THAT. or i can just set up a camera in my house and sell it to you all. if nothing else, laughing burns calories, right? so, if you don't have your own personal ninja: go get one. they're nifty to have around. mostly.

the point? i suppose all this should have a point: EVEN THOUGH the wii is laughing at me every day and calling me obese and suggesting i "try eating healthy" (WHAT DO YOU CALL THE RABBIT FOOD I'VE BEEN EATING ALL WEEK YOU WII-TARD), and even though i have a ninja that reminds me how un-ninja i am, I'VE STUCK WITH IT! and i'm going to stick with it. 22 days is technically into the "new habit" zone. and it's true. i find myself planning how/when to fit my work out in every day now instead of finding excuses to avoid it. and i slightly panic when i have a busy day and can't find time (so far i've always found time). and i find myself checking what i eat and HOW MUCH of it i'm eating now thinking about working it off later. and i pick water over soda as a reflex now. and I'M DOING IT! IN IT TO GYM IT BABY!

if you were curious:

if you've wandered here from In It To Gym It, or if you happen to follow me on facebook, or twitter, or here, or if you were one of the unfortunate people stuck listening to me talk about it just because: here's an update on the chubby bunny slim down: I AINT SLIMMIN SO FAST.

~sigh~

so. i know i talked all about this dress (see right): and how i was going to rock it...I FAILED. i mean TECHNICALLY i didn't fail. it fit. as in i could get it on and zip it up and move around and breathe and be *MOSTLY* ok in it, but i didn't ROCK IT like i wanted to. there were lumps and bumps, and for some fucking retarded reason, spanx have TWO seams going up over the ass which is NOT a good look in a form fitting dress...so that option was out to help (which they don't anyway. what a fucking waste of money. seriously). so. i DIDN'T fail, but i DID fail because i didn't wear the dress to the party. so. in my closet it sits. hopefully it will fit by vegas WITH ALTERATIONS because i'll be too skinny for it then...here's hoping.

instead, i rocked this dress (see left): complete with 1940's pin curl hair, and CHUCK TAYLOR SHOES. oh yes i did. classic converse with a strapless dress. and i FUCKING ROCKED IT. i heart me just a little. it turned out to be awesome since this doll of a dress has been hanging in my closet for a few months without occasion to be shown off. so. BAM. i STILL win. just not the win i wanted...but still a win...so there!

in other news: i'm about to murder my wii...still...it isn't getting better. i understand flexing a few pounds from day to day...but FIVE? yes. it seems that every day when i weigh in i'm either 5 pounds heavier than the day before or 5 pounds lighter. my chart looks like a REALLY BAD something...i don't know. but it doesn't look good. i think i need to get the board off the carpet and onto something a little more stable...that might help. maybe. i think. from some reviews i've read online it might. i have to do something though. it's so fucking discouraging to be eating right, working out, drinking water and STILL be going up in weight. wii-tard. whatever.

BUT...i'm hanging in there. i'm still getting off my couch every night and doing something. so. that counts a little...right?

things i would buy:

so. i've been working on skinny-ing up this chubby bunny backside. if you're sick of hearing about it already...SUCKS TO BE YOU. this is a big change for me!!

any-who. working out gives you time to think. well, when you're not thinking of new curse words to yell at the machine anyway.


so. all this working out and thinking- i've come up with a few things that someone needs to get off their ass and invent cause i would TOTALLY buy it:


#1: kama sutra for the wii. a "grown up" version of the wii fit. use a slightly bigger balance board made for TWO people. then teach them how to get into the poses, have the little balance circle that they have to stay inside, show them how many calories they're burning, let them set up "routines" or positions that go well together. i'm telling you: SMASH HIT. seriously. think about it: working out increases endorphins and testosterone and all that junk. which makes you *ahem* "more energetic". so. yeah.


#2: a camel pack that doesn't weigh anything. cause when i'm working out i get thirsty. and i don't want to stop and pick up my water bottle. so i COULD get a camel pack like motocross racers wear, but water weighs A TON. and my wii fit already calls me obese. so. you know...like make one that floats. or attaches to a helium balloon. or SOMETHING. help a chubby bunny out people!


ok. so those are the only two thoughts i had. i guess i spent a bit more of my time thinking up new curse words to call my wii. (wii-tard is the most popular right now...i didn't say i was thinking HARD).


umm...i guess that is all. oh...WAIT: if you want to read more about other people working out and getting in shape and get some KICK ASS motivation going on go read the new blog: http://inittogymit.com/ (which i just happen to contribute to). all sorts of amazing people doing amazing things. that is all.