did she _REALLY_ just say that?

i apologize in advance.

so. there are things that even _I_ am embarrassed to talk about. shocking, i know. but when has that ever stopped me before? so. hang on kids. this one is FUCKED UP.

i'm working on losing weight. and shockingly, i'm doing pretty damn well. totally just jinxed myself there. BUT, i've done 21 days straight of working out which is a LIFETIME record for me. it completely smashes my previous 3 day record (so wish i was kidding). BUT. i'm a little worried about losing weight. i mean, there are things a girl has to consider when taking on an endeavor like this. so here are the things i'm worried about:

#1: losing boobage. i mean...they're technically fat, right? what happens if i get all skinny and they go away? T.R.A.G.I.C. seriously. I LIKE THEM. i want them to stick around! i've heard several girls complain about losing size when they lost weight. and granted, mine have never *ahem* increased with weight gain...they've stayed the same size all these years, so i THINK i'm safe...but seriously...how tragic would that be?

#2: rape. oh yeah. i've thought about it. i mean how many times have you ever seen on the news where a fat girl was raped? sure they're slower/easier to chase down, but SO MUCH HARDER to hold down and keep still. plus, fat girls usually carry a big purse (it's hard to carry around a ham sandwich in a small clutch!) and we all know a purse it the first weapon of self defense. plus, 90% of the male population are attracted to skinnier girls...so...you know...that raises the risk. BUT, skinnier girls are usually in better shape and can either a) run away, or b)kick ass...and i'll be able to do both...so...you know, maybe i shouldn't worry about this. if it DOES happen though, should i be scared, or flattered? SO MANY THINGS TO CONSIDER.

#3: buying new clothes: IT'S DAMN EXPENSIVE TO BE HEALTHY! i mean first there's all the healthy foods that cost a crap ton of money. then you have to replace your wardrobe too?!?! i mean COME ON PEOPLE. my jeans are already getting baggy...I JUST BOUGHT THESE! and i really like them! well, did. now they make my ass look all whatever like i'm wearing a three day old diaper. SO DEPRESSING. i mean...SUCK. seriously. i can't afford to be skinny! damn gina! maybe if there was some sort of government incentive...you know...a dollar for every day i work out and a dollar for every pound i lose. that would be GREAT. totally just solved the nation's health crisis. i mean they're throwing money at everything else...throw in a few for me too!

so. yeah. i'm worried! also, what if it turns out my fat storage cells were also my sarcastic wit storage cells too? and they all dry up and go away? life. would. end. how many fat comedians were funny after they got skinny? well, i don't know any comedians really, so i can't answer that. BUT IT'S SCARY!