cleaning out the post its:

i try to keep track of all the things i want to brain vomit about. this usually ends up being either notes scribbled on my wrist while driving or a plethora of post it notes covering everything with an area even partially big enough/capable of holding the smallest section of the sticky backing. more than once i've had to clean out the sea of post its that have fallen off my phone to be abandoned on the bottom of my purse. that being said: i've stacked up a few again. and since i seem to be on a roll tonight (this morning) let's clean house shall we!

my movie premier: I WENT TO A MOVIE PREMIER. and i saw my friends (and yes, even myself) up on the big screen. in a REAL, FULL LENGTH MOVIE (which will be debuting at a LARGE international film festival within a few months). can't even say how epic that was. got all dressed up, went out to the premier and then out with the writer/director/actors afterwords. E.P.I.C. can i say that again? EPIC. a real freaking movie. written. filmed. produced. ON THE BIG FUCKING SCREEN. and i was in it! see the picture in the wallet of the guy and his dead wife? I'M THE DEAD WIFE IN THE PICTURE. dont' worry. i won't charge too much for autographs.

new couples: you know how you go out to breakfast and you see a couple come in and you KNOW it's one of their first awkward morning after breakfasts? yeah...i got to sit next to one of those the other day. HI-LARIOUS. first off you know it's new because she's DRAGGING him in to the place by his hand. almost literally dragging him. as in arms fully extended in each direction (him: forward, her: backwards). she's "casual" in a ball cap, retard suit...i mean track suit, sneakers...but her ponytail out the back of the hat is very polished, she is in FULL war paint, and she keeps checking and adjusting herself. you KNOW girls stop putting in that effort once a guy is good and suckered in. second clue that it's new: every story requires a FULL back story before it can be completed. example: so. i ran into my buddy mick yesterday...you know mick...he's the guy that goes to mexico with his school teacher wife...the brunette...every year and brings me back a case of mexican beer. i think you met him once at that football party. and mick reminded me that we have a poker game this weekend. it's a poker game all the guys and i have been doing since college. we had to stop for a few years when everyone got married and started having kids but we started it up a few months ago. we get together at a different guys house every week and play poker til we run out of beer or money or both. so mick reminded me of this poker game, but i told him i won't be able to make it this week...
SERIOUSLY? a give minute diatribe to say there's a poker game this week you won't be going to? HI-LARIOUS. it was even better watching her nod along the whole time KNOWING she was taking crazy mental notes about ALL of it for future reference. epic. morning after breakfasts. awesome to watch. not so great to be stuck at.

return policy: i figured out which dating category i fit into finally. i'm not allowed to be "single" since i have a divorce on my wrap sheet. i HATE saying that i'm divorced since i've been single three times longer than i was married since the divorce (i firmly believe that once youve been single longer than you were married you should be allowed to be JUST SINGLE again). anywho. i'm not single. i hate being divorce. so i created a new category just for me: returned. yeah. that's me. RETURNED. which really isn't better than single or divorced. it's like the tv on the clearance rack at sears that's been returned: there's no box, you take it as is. it's not marked down much because there's nothing wrong with it. there's no defects, it has the remote. it works perfectly fine. but it's still clearance. does anyone really want the clearance marked down item? once in a while a creepy bargain shopper will threaten to take you home. but that's about it. you just sit there on the return shelf watching all the brand new tv's find a home. or people scavenging the heavily damaged, REALLY marked down ones (really, i can fix it...). doesn't matter why it was returned- if it was way better quality than the original purchaser knew how to handle. or whether the guy couldn't afford the payments. or if he decided that he really couldn't handle the little extras that came with it. or if he decided to pick up a twice rejected whore of a tv tossed off to the side of the road offering blow jobs for $20 in the back of a gas station with big hips and bad rodeo hair (you know how some tv's can be...)
hmm...where was i? oh yes. i'm the like-new returned tv sitting on the shelf. getting dusty. and older/less flashy than the new models every day. and the most action i get is when the cleaning crew runs a feather duster over me. that reminds me...time to schedule my annual girl appointment...