femme writes- body image

 

On the 5th of every month, bloggers from around the world are open to write about rights and issues concerning women. First started by Shine and Marie, we’re hoping to bring a variety of women’s issues to the forefront to make people aware of what’s going on. For the month of July, we’ve chosen to write about Body Image. Please join us in telling us your stories, thoughts, and ideas on a monthly basis. To read previous installments, click here.

i am a fat girl. i’m the chubby bunny. the soft and huggable mama. the blind date with the “great personality” (you know what i’m talking about). i shop from the plus size rack. i’m the girl that gets the looks when i buy snacks or orders desert. i’m 5’8”, 215 pounds, a size 18, AND I LOVE MY BODY.

so suck it hollywood.

i know that i should hate myself and starve myself or want to dance my ass off or be the biggest loser. but i don’t. i love me the way i am. sure there are days when i feel like a whale or hate my clothes or detest what i see in the mirror- i challenge you to show me one person anywhere on this planet who has never had a day like that. i hate that because i’m not a single digit size trying to get to nearly invisible, for some reason society thinks i’m not okay for anything besides spandex and scales and diet commercials. every day when i open up my facebook page or any other web browser all the side banners and top banners are weight loss adds, or get skinny quick schemes, or how to lose those 10 pounds over night. i never realized how specific i was targeted until a guy friend used my laptop one day and had to log off as me and log on as himself- 100% different advertisements, and he even commented about how many stupid ones were on my page as a female. welcome to the femme world.

sure it’s changing a little out there- shows like drop dead diva and more to love are popping up but ARE YOU KIDDING ME? more to love was one of the MOST mocked reality dating shows of all time, and the whole premise of drop dead diva is that it took a skinny girl to show her how to love her naturally beautiful self. writers like jennifer weiner have oh so blessedly (sarcasm anyone?) started writing about “real sized women” but if you’ve ever read any of her trash novels that are only worthy to be fireplace fuel, you’d recognize a reoccurring theme: the women are only happy AFTER they’ve lost weight and completely changed themselves. only then do they find that they’re worth while people and finally find someone to love them. BULLSHIT.

BULL.FUCKING.SHIT.

what about a book with a real size woman that has someone who loves her just the way she is without losing weight or changing herself? what about a dating show with real size women that isn’t a complete farce. a show that isn’t the main fodder for the soup (i love you joel mchale, but REALLY?) or any of the other fat hating reviewers? what about a show with real size women that DOESN’T involve spandex and a scale and either dancing our asses off or being a biggest (completely unhealthy) loser? oh wait...i forgot...the wardrobe departments can’t handle it. the hollywood stick figures wouldn’t know what to do with a whole cast of confident full figured woman (opposed to the one or two that they keep around for statistic sake).

but i digress. this is about _MY_ body image:

i am fat. i am imperfect. i have bad hair days. i have bad thigh days. i have bad skin days. i have bad everything days. most of my jeans create a muffin top because that’s the way i’m shaped. i have bingo arms. i have chubby calves. my thighs rub together when i walk and wearing corduroy is a fire hazard in the summer time. i only wear a one-piece swim suit, and only then with something over it because i know there are parts of me that should not be exposed to the general public. i have scars, wrinkles, dimples in places that normally don’t have dimples. the gals at the pedicure shop laugh at my “precious moments toes” every time i go in and always comment about how i basically have no pinky toe nail to paint. i have tattoos, blue hair, at one point my nose was pierced, and i have multiple piercings in ear. i have a belt that i wore in high school that BARELY fits around one of my thighs now. the only way i could fit into my old cheer uniform (yes, i was a cheerleader at one point) is if i stapled it onto a shirt and THEN wore it.

know what else?

i have BEAUTIFUL eyes. i have amazing curves. i look damn fine in a good pencil skirt and some 4” heels. i have learned over the years how to take care of myself and i clean up DAMN GOOD. i have found a beautiful hair style that works for my face shape and gets plenty of compliments. i have learned to dress my body type so that i look good in whatever i choose to wear (even on the days i feel fat). i have arms strong enough to pick up my kids when they’re hurt. i have curves squishy enough to be comforting to them when they’re sick. i have a healthy, strong body that lets me go to work every day and take care of my spawns every night.

I AM BEAUTIFUL JUST THE WAY I AM.

would i like to lose a little weight? sure. will the world end if i don’t? hell no it wont. do i wish i had better skin and perfect hair and always manicured nails? ummm...of course! does it ruin my life that those don’t happen? not a bit.

i wasn’t raised to like myself. it’s something i’ve worked DAMN hard for over the years. by the time i went to college i had learned to love myself. then i let someone take that away for a while. and i’ve worked twice as hard to get that back again. and i will NEVER let someone take that away from me again. there are still days when i watch tv or go clothes shopping or look at the beautful women i am blessed to know and have shadows of doubt: “what would it be like to...” you know how it goes. it’s natural. we compare, it’s what women do. but you know what else we need to do? we need to realize that for every time we compare ourselves to someone, SOMEONE IS COMPARING HERSELF TO US. did you get that? for every person you think is better than you? someone thinks the same about you! i’m not really sure that’s the point i’m trying to make- the whole comparing to others REALLY needs to stop, but it won’t, and at least realize that others are doing it about you too!

i want to say it again: I AM BEAUTIFUL JUST THE WAY I AM. i am imperfect. i have room for improvement. and I LOVE ME.