liquid math

i will admit that i've never been particularly good at math. as i've gotten older i've learned which math skills from school were important to keep (figuring out sales discounts), and which math skill could be replaced by other vital information (like replacing imaginary numbers with which movies lauren graham is in. rowr. IMPORTANT). there have been times that i've worried about certain math skills that i've let lapse: like when my oldest son came to me asking about how to find the area of a circle...do i LOOK like an engineer? no. moving on.

but. it has occurred to me...in the last 5 minutes specifically...that there is one particular IMPORTANT form of math that i have never mastered. i'm not sure if there is an expert on this type of math, or if you just have to study on the fly...so to speak...

i'm talking about liquid math. you know what i'm talking about. THAT math. the math it would be handy to know before venturing out to any bar with friends. the math that comes in handy before long road trips. the IMPORTANT MATH. i've worked up some rough equations, but i'm not quite sure how to solve them. or perhaps not so much equations as things i would like to be able to have equations for:

example one:

chubby bunny is going to a bar. how many drinks may she consume before breaking the seal is ABSOLUTELY required?

example two:

chubby bunny is going on a road trip. please solve for a beverages to rest stops ratio.

example three:

chubby bunny has consumed three large glasses of water at work today. the last time she peed was approximately 1 hour ago. it is 15 minutes until quitting time and the commute home is 20 minutes. will she make it before resorting to the potty dance?

additionally, besides these examples, there are forms of this math that i CAN NOT figure out for the life of me...mostly in relation to ratios:

one glass of water = one trip to pee

one 16 oz coffee = one trip to pee + "extra" time

one shot of alcohol = 18 trips to pee

two shots of alcohol + 2 mixed  drinks = infinite trips to pee in 5 minute increments.

see, logic says that a glass of water has WAY more content than one shot of alcohol...yet the ratio of return is VERY different. and there are variables that are thrown in: has food been consumed? is there a bathroom nearby (this has a reverse ratio effect: the further the bathroom, the more often one has to pee), is there a long line (also a reverse ratio), is the outfit of choice particularly difficult to maneuver (yet one more reverse ratio). and don't even get me started on belts...that just changes the WHOLE EQUATION.

anyone have any tips? a cheat sheet? study guide? does ANYONE have liquid math figured out?