please and thank you

i want to buy an abandoned funeral home.

it’s old and gutted and PERFECT.

isn’t it beautiful?

look at it

BUT LOOK AT IT.

oh, wait...

slightly better...

 

there. the heyday. 

 

it’s perfect.

i want it so bad.

does anyone have a spare 1.2 million to buy and another 1.5 to rehab? i have the plans already in my head. i was able to walk through the building a few years ago and I LOVE IT SO MUCH.

picture this:

main floor:

front left door, former gothic cathedral: coffee shop (with a drive thru)

central 2 doors: bookstore

front right door: plant shop

mezzanine: business offices

upstairs: 7 apartment units, 2 with built in fireplaces (existing) and skylights (existing). artists in residence for the bookstore downstairs, traveling authors on book tour, writing/intern program with housing, SO MANY OPTIONS.

basement: speakeasy with fireplace (2 existing), partial or full restaurant with a custom wine bar with cold storage (built in stone cold storage, former casket storage)

back storage building: outdoor summer events, summer kids writing camps, community garden, book fairs, parking lot sales

ugh.

i want it so bad.

i have my venmo handle available if anyone wants to boop me a few million, please and thank you.