...and then...

well, they’re not innocent, but i’ll change their names anyway.

this story isn’t even about them. it’s about me. because, well, it’s about time i became the main character in my own damn story.

as egotistical and narcissistic as that feels.

ANYWAY

last july, i had the cutest little romantic conundrum, a quaint little triangle as it were:

the recently graduated/unemployed, slightly roguish navy veteran who cooked and took me on adventures?

or

the kind, generous, very gentlemanly millionaire who has been a dear friend for 10+ years and could provide the world?

PLOT TWIST

i didn’t choose either of them.

well, IN THE END, i didn’t choose either of them. the first one, you can read the blogs. the second one, well, it turns out the item is not available and there is no expected restocking date.

so, in the end, for them at least.

let’s take a long little loop back to where we are:

time travel back to the 2012-2017ish era with me. i was working for the mechanical/electrical firm. we had a client job: completely rework an equestrian arena to turn it into a grow farm. pot legalized in 2012, farms were going crazy popping up everywhere, everyone needed electricians to wire farms and clean rooms and stores. BIG job. big. turning a horse stable into a pot farm. biiiiiig bill.

that dude dipped on. or tried to at least.

my boss at the time loved difficult clients. he LOVED the people screaming at me on the phone. he loved the people that tried not to pay their bills. he lived for angry people. he’s also a stand up comedian and those clients provided endless material. it all works out in the end.

so, the boss makes a deal with no pay dude: small, manageable weekly payments until it’s paid off.

so, WEEKLY, i received a check in the mail.

literal checks.

now, in the beginning of the legalization world, it was a lot, A LOT of the boomer generation. legit, they knew everything about pot and business. but, they are old school. i mean, OLD SCHOOL

there’s a weird thing with the boomer (and older) generation that when they mail checks, physical checks for payment, they don’t trust the mail and they wrap the check in a sheet of paper and put it in the (secure) envelope and mail the payment to you.

the literal and proverbial check in the mail.

weekly checks. WEEKLY. with a piece of paper wrapped around it for safety.

may god bless the boomers, the rest of us are befuddled by them.

i, a giant nerd, cannot waste a perfectly fine piece of blank paper. it’s only job was to wrap around a check and keep ner-do-well’s from stealing information from the mail. mission accomplished, but it doesn’t deserve to just be thrown away. 

in no time i had a STACK of tri-folded papers. all different colors, blue, yellow, white. some legal size, some note sides, some top tear, some spiral bound.

what on earth did i save them for?

well, an idea came to me: a collection of short stories, each limited to one page, each either starting or ending with …and then…

…and then we joined the story already in progress

we leave the heroine at the clutching climax and then…

you get the idea.

now, pivot one degree to the left: the recent life insurance review and renewal.

what DO the next 20 years look like? what do i want the next chapter to be? what energy am i taking forward? what energy am i leaving behind?

i was writing in my journal working out bits of the break up, bits about the friendship, deciding neither was really a great fit for me.

i asked myself: what kind of ending is it when the lead female doesn’t choose the rogue or the gentleman but instead chooses herself for the next 20 years?

and it was literally the bottom of the page in my journal, and at the top of the new page i asked…or is this a beginning?

which side of the …and then… am i on?

for the two male characters, this is the: and then…. ending for them.

she released them, each unto their own, and then…

i don’t know where their stories go. it’s up to them. they get to choose their own and then…

for me, i think, it’s looking like a beginning

…and then she set off to conquer the world

…and then she discovered her own company to be the most rewarding and lived happily ever after

…and then she realized her ideas and her stories are worth being shared

…and then she stepped into the great unknown to do whatever the fuck she wanted