deep thoughts

braces are low key plastic surgery.

using a new conditioner is kinda like cheating on yourself- you keep smelling something new and different all day long and you wonder what hussy has been up in your own business.

alex trebek is really bad at small talk.

pat sajack is an absolute asshole.

i'd rather watch pat sajack or alex trebeck any day over drew carey.

these are the deep and profound and shockingly sober thoughts that have been taking up my brain space the last few days.

remember when i did that huge brain dump and was enjoying the empty space? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENES.

i shouldn't be allowed alone with empty brain space.

why are adult coloring books so stressful?

is a single hard boiled egg a sufficient dinner?

would it be weird to wear a shirt i wore on a date to an interview? is it too date-ish and not job-ish enough?

isn't an interview kinda like a first date anyway?

i'm rewatching friday night lights on netflix before they get pulled off on october 31 and i'm realizing i really miss just a solid feel good show. i binge watch heartland every time a new season drops. i could watch parenthood over and over. friday night lights had me crying, AGAIN, within the first 30 minutes. YES, i've seen it...well...many times before. AND I STILL CRY.

i've spent A LOT of time trying to figure out why. i know it's scripted. all of it. but part of me really, truly, with every fiber of my being hopes that there's really pockets of the world out there like these shows. i wish i could move to town and be a part of a place where families really take care of each other. they fight. they butt in. they are messy but they still make it work. where, at the end of the day, people stand up for what's right. they make the hard decisions. it just- it all works out. and i know it's not the first time i've ruminated on this thought. i know it won't be the last.

it's just that there's a network built into each of these shows. my network is a little sparse on it's best days. kinda more like a single dial up modem that can't get a connection on it's worst days.

DIAL UP. the thing before internet was just everywhere. remember those days?

where you listen to the actual dial, that horrible screech, and you pray with all that you have that you manage a 52k instead of a 26k connection?

BECAUSE...fuck...i don't even know what websites were around then. not google. what the hell did i even look at on internet explorer or the super fancy netscape navigator?

i honestly don't remember. weird how you block out parts of your life like that.

i still have no fucking clue where i bought books in my tiny town when i was a kid. mandy books were only available on the bottom of the back shelf in the christian bible store.

babysitters club books?? it's a mystery.

also, for a kid that LOVED books, i never knew how to look up anything in the library. i knew exactly WHERE my favorite books were. to this day i could direct you to the exact shelf and the exact space on the shelf for some of my go to books. could i tell you the author or publisher? no way in hell.

which actually makes me really sad because there were these BOSS books about different famous people- louie pastour, betsy ross, helen keller, the wright brothers, they were white books with almost school house rock type illustrations. i read those damn things over and over. could i find them again now if my life depended on it? only if the colville library hasn't rearranged or thinned their books in the last 30 years...which...may be a possibility.

well, crap. no sleep tonight. i'm going to be using the google machine to look up images of childrens historic literature all night to see if i can find those damn books again.

UPDATE: google is magnificent. i give you, the value books:

30 years of wondering, 3 minutes of google