the mother's curse

i hope you have a child JUST. LIKE. YOU.

how many times do i remember my mom saying that?

guess what? i think they're both like me. but in very different ways.

last week the oldest spawn turned 18.

i'm officially the parent of an adult.

WHAT???

i still struggle with him. well, a one sided struggle anyway. he's still shutting me out.

i was talking to a good friend about how the kid and i have struggled over the years, where we're at now, and she laughed and said "are you sure it isn't because he's just like you?" or some version there-of.

she pointed out that he's wicked smart and very artistically gifted. later that same week, one of his grandparents echoed the same vein of thinking.

i'm some version of both those.

the oldest spawn also happens to be very opinionated, very outspoken, very passionate, and VERY stubborn.

well.

huh.

something about apples and trees.

then there's the "little" spawn.

"little" as in he looks me square in the eye now and long ago passed me in shoe size.

oy.

he's been on a campaign to get his ears pierced this summer.

after getting over my horribly sexist knee-jerk response of "...but that's for girls!" i asked WHY he's so hell bent on getting them pierced.

"because i'm tired of looking boring. i want to try something new and feel more like myself."

again with the apples and trees.

the small spawn and i had a discussion at the end of his counseling session a few weeks ago about why i push him so much to do certain things- meet new people, try new things even if you don't think you'll like it, go places even when you think you won't have fun.

spawn to counselor: why does she make me do things she won't even do?

me: BECAUSE I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE LIKE ME!

i see so much of myself in him- the not great parts. he already makes up other peoples minds for them. he already convinces himself of things before they've even happened. he talks himself out of things because he knows he won't have a good time or he won't like it.

HOLY CRAP GET OUT OF MY HEAD.

i could never ask that person out, i already know i'm not their type.

i shouldn't go to that concert, i won't have a good time.

i shouldn't hang out with that group of people, i won't fit in.



neither one of them may look like me, but holy crap are those my spawns.

so now the trick is: how do i teach them to cultivate and enhance the GOOD parts of me and recognize and mitigate the not so great parts?