what's in a name?

in an effort to actually hit the publish button more often, i'm just going to start truly vomiting again on here- all the random crap that pops into my brain during the day, the strange ideas (most of them BRILLIANT by the way), the random stories- ALL of it.

i'm learning to let go of the length of the post- they don't all need to be a three part docudrama. 

SO.

here we go.

i have this weird thing about names- there's certain ones i just HATE (anything that ends in an i just really needs to stop existing).

there's some i simply avoid, mainly in the dating arena- ben and steven (brothers), gary (dad).

there's certain names that just instantly make me want to vomit and punch a kitten at the same time (mike in particular).

then there's those that trigger this fucked up response in my head that...well...it's me. that's all you need to know.

for example- i can't hear the name george without saying jjjorjjje the way eva gabor did in the aristocats.

georges hautcourt, lawyer,  the aristocats, disney 1970

whenever i hear the name frank i think of the rescuers down under...

frank the frill-necked lizard, rescuers down under, disney, 1990

any time my kids yell for me across the house all i hear is MA! THE MEATLOAF!

will farrell as chazz reinhold, wedding crashers, 2005

it's been interesting at work answering the phones more and talking to all sorts of people, all different names. some times i just shake my head, other times i wish i had a time machine to go back and slap some parents. i'm sure anyone listening to me write messages thinks i'm partially crazy. mostly from the things i say while writing the names on the message board, partially just from the fact that if it isn't written straight i'll erase the whole thing and start all over.

on another name tangent- over the years i've picked up naming random inanimate objects. i've named my house, flamingos, cars, octopus hanging from my rear view mirror (bruce has now outlasted 3 cars. go bruce).

and finally, perhaps the strangest name habit- i like to assign people random middle names. really don't care what your ACTUAL middle name is, i'll give you different ones on different days. had a friend years ago that corrected me every time, and every time i called him a different middle name. not sure what it is- up until the days of twitter i NEVER used my own middle name. now there's a whole group of people that only know me as sherryrose.

some days i think it would be fun to work in an animal shelter or an orphanage to get to pick out names for all the critters and crib midgets- see if i can find something that particularly fits them. then i remember that there's the actual taking care of something after you name it and i'm tired and need a nap and realize maybe it's better to just name random things around my house.

back in the day, will shakespeare oh so romantically wrote: "what's in a name? that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." suggesting that the name doesn't have meaning, it's the person (object) behind it that is important. but i'm calling BULLSHIT. hey will...NAMES ARE IMPORTANT ASSHOLE. do you really think bartholomew shakespeare would have done so well? what about all the actors and actresses that change their names to be more catchy? NAMES ARE IMPORTANT. seriously.

imagine cinderella (or the little cinder girl for the purists) as beatrice the housekeeper. not quite the same disney ring to it now is there?

that's right. i'm calling shakespeare out. HEY WILL. YOU, ME, LOCAL STARBUCKS. IT'S ON.

not sure what the "it" is. sure as hell wouldn't want to challenge him to a writing contest. bastard was brilliant even with the occasional fuck up.

anyway- names are important. so. i'll keep naming things. and avoiding things with names i don't like that i can't rename.