good enough?

"It's been a whole 10 days since you've posted! I'm jonsing for my hit."


and that is why i love my friends.


I KNOW. one post a week. remember when i promised that way back in january?

yeah...

so. i was having a facebook chat the other day and the topic happened to wander into the always entertaining ground of my dating life (or lack thereof).

i've actually been going out lately- meeting different people, consuming more cups of coffee than average.

I LIKE DATING. not a big fan of the relationship thing yet (lack of experience), but the dating thing is endlessly fascinating. the chance to meet someone new, get a peek into their life. it's always interesting to me to see which topics come up, hear scraps of history, glimpse other paths. i'm a big believer in the "time and a reason for everything" school of thought. i believe that each person you meet has something to tell you or you have something to tell them and the conversation will naturally steer itself in the direction it needs to go for that day. sometimes i feel like i'm not sharing anything which means that person probably had a message for me. same thing in reverse. sometimes its all about work, sometimes family, sometimes horrible experiences, sometimes good. i don't stress about over-sharing anymore (or undersharing). i honestly believe that i say what i need to when i need to.

ANYWAY.

enough of that hippie bullshit.


what i DON'T like about dating is that i'm just not interested in anyone. 

no one is making me want to rip their clothes off or wait with baited breath for their next call or text. i'm just not...you know...there is no THERE there.

and i feel like a BITCH about it. i have met some really great guys lately. not only do they have REAL jobs, cars, houses, but they're fun to talk to. they have goals and friends. they can carry on a conversation on multiple topics and they (sometimes) laugh at my terrible macabre jokes. i've enjoyed meeting several of them very much. these are REALLY GOOD GUYS.

i know. not the usual trainwreck you've been waiting for. THEIR FAULT.

but there's just no THERE there.

i feel like i'm just waiting for someone to shock me out of my stupor of sameness. they all say i'm so different, but they all blend together.

i mused with my friend the other day during our facebook chat- is there a certain point that...VA VA VA VOOM stops happening? where you're not really settling, but you're just not a twinkie 21 year old kid in love with the idea of falling in love?

when you add to it that my idea of love isn't necessarily the mushy feelings crap, but more intellectually based in the choice to care about someone and put them first even after all those butterflies have run into the bug zapper...maybe that shock factor doesn't exist or isn't realistic anymore.

is that just part of getting older? there's no longer kisses that leave you weak in the knees? there's no longer someone you can't wait to hear from again? am i just too cold and jaded for my own good?

it may be time to shift my thinking. realize that maybe there's more weight to good conversation over spark.

it's a hard idea to let go of though.

i've had kisses that left me weak in the knees and thinking that was a one time thing is a bit depressing.

i've had the cowboy two step me around the floor while singing along to "i'm holding heaven in my arms tonight." maybe i should be grateful i've had it happen. (by the way: that's a great story about how i once went out with a libertarian).

i've had the romance that i flew half way around the world for (and we all know how that turned out).

i've been the crazy girl waiting on edge for a call or text back and that isn't exactly a fun place to be.

i've been the overly emotional HOW AM I GOING TO LIVE WITHOUT HIM girl.

maybe it's time to be the HEY LOOK, A DECENT GUY girl.

maybe good enough IS good enough.