the call out

please forgive me. this will be overly dramatic and emotional. i feel it needs to be said in a public forum ONLY for the reason that i need people to hear me and hold me accountable. the whole airing dirty laundry isn't my thing, but in this case there really isn't a way around it for me personally.

i have a personal belief that you can't defeat demons in your life until you aren't scared of them and you take the power away from them. part of getting rid of the fear and taking away the power is being able to put a name to things. if you saw my last post you know i avoided putting a name on it. i used a fake name because i was scared of people knowing or the person specifically finding out and being angry. i was SCARED. and so i didn't beat it. i didn't get rid of the demon.

guess what.

I'M NOT AFRAID ANY MORE.

so. here is it. i'm calling it out. i'm putting a name on it.

JASON TODD MICHAELIS:

you are an evil, vile, emotionally abusive, poisonous person. you have torn me down, made me feel like shit, pushed me around, and taken way too much power away from me for far too long.

THAT STOPS NOW.

you will no longer be the voice i hear when i look in the mirror telling me: "you're not chubby, you're plain FAT."

you will no longer be the voice i hear telling me i'm stupid and i can't do things.

you will no longer be ANYTHING to me. you are not a friend. you are not a partner. you are not a person i need or want in my life.

i came to you when i found out my son was being abused and you told me: "go buy a fish if you need someone to talk to."

i came to you when my brother took his life. you spent an hour telling me about the chick you banged the night before.

i came to you for help with my home and you spent the whole time telling me every mistake i had made and how stupid i was.

i trusted you as a friend and you constantly let me down and hurt me. you destroyed friendships and isolated me from people i care about.

you have spent YEARS making me feel like crap. making me feel not good enough. making me feel that any scrap of attention was enough. making me feel like being tolerated was a good thing.

you have insulted my mind. my body, my family, my beliefs, my children, my choices.  hell, i can't even cook fucking bacon the right way.

i know this is my fault. i allowed this to happen. i stuck around and kept letting you treat me this way instead of standing up for myself. i am to blame and i accept that blame.

i take back my power. i take back my self worth. i take back my beauty and my intelligence and my moxy.. you will never take them from me again.

JASON TOOD MICHAELIS. you are no longer welcome in my life. you no longer have any influence over me. you no longer have any power over me.