not the happiest place on earth

when i was a kid we took a family vacation to california for spring break one year. after driving down in the family oldsmobile, staying in the cheapest, shittiest motels all the way there, visiting every stupid marine corps site of former glory that my mothers husband felt the need to drag us to, one terrifying day south of the border in tijuana where i was SURE we were going to be stabbed to death, we finally got to visit disneyland- my first time EVER. the ONE good thing about the trip. i was so excited to have one good thing happen that i was almost able to ignore my horrible early 90’s home made shorts, badly damaged permed frizzball hair and blue plastic framed glasses. almost. we show up, i’m all excited, then we found out that every. single. section. was closed for repairs. apparently, the big spring break rush had been a week or so before and this was their chance to close things down for repairs and maintenance. what a fucking waste of time. i remember nothing about the park. i think we walked around for a while. i KNOW we didn’t go to any of the shops or places (my mum was way too cheap for that). i just have a picture of us all standing at the front gate and that’s it.

so. you know. i get disappointment. i get showing up to the park to find out the main attraction isn’t available.

that said: GUYS: YOU ARE FUCKING IDIOTS.

tuesday night the new guy and i were supposed to go out. he ended up not being able to make it (see the previous blog about how i just don’t understand all his responsibilities...this was another instance of that). he said he felt bad and would make it up to me the next night. well, the whole day goes by and i haven’t heard from him, so i texted him early in the evening to see what the plan was. he said to let him know when the spawns went to bed. works for me. so after the spawns are both down for the count i pop him a text to let him know the coast is clear, and, by the way, mother nature stopped by for a visit but it would be great to hang out and watch a movie. yeah. i spent the night on the couch reading. alone.

NOW. i get that mother nature is a huge freak out thing for many guys. (it’s not exactly the happiest event for us either guys.) YES. I’M TALKING ABOUT MY MENSTRUAL CYCLE. uncomfortable yet? set down the offerings of caffeine and midol and back away slowly.

one friend even asked me what the hell i was thinking telling the new guy about it outright. here’s what i was thinking: I KNOW WHAT IT’S LIKE TO SHOW UP AND FIND OUT ALL THE RIDES ARE CLOSED. i’ve had guys get PISSED that they found out after the fact that the main attraction wasn’t available. i would rather be up front and say hey, the rides are closed, but you can still come hang out, see the sights, and who knows, maybe the management will open up a ride that’s generally not open to the public. you never know when an unexpected bonus like that might become available. that’s much better than showing up all excited to have your hopes and dreams dashed once you’ve already paid the fee to get in and spend the time disappointed and not able to even check about other options.

note to guys: just because aunt flo is in town does not mean that sexy time completely goes on hiatus. there are PLENTY of other things to do where you can avoid that whole section of the park (or not, depending on your opinion of things). second note to guys: YES, pms means that hormones are all over the charts. guess what? HORNY IS CONTROLLED BY HORMONES. and when hormones are boosted off the charts by pms...well...if you can’t figure out how that all works then maybe you should be allowed into the park anyway.

i’m not a bashful person (most of the time anyway). i have no problem being up front and honest about things. i am NOT the type to try to trick people or test them, ESPECIALLY when it comes to things like this. i’ve learned the hard way by accident and would rather not repeat the experience. i guess if a guy can’t handle me being up front and honest for one, and two: decides he would rather blow me off (read: no response at all) than roll the dice whether it really means a night of just hanging out or it ends up being a bonus night where the management is feeling generous, then you know what? i really could care less if he ever gets to visit the park again.

i’m going to go consume copious amounts of caffeine and midol now. call me when men learn how to grow a pair.