TMI Thursday: the grooming edition

are you shuddering already? yes, that's right: TMI AND GROOMING together in one.

so. ladies. (was that creepy to anyone besides me?). you can sit back and just agree with me on this post. i'm addressing any of my men readers at this point (hopefully there's A LEAST one...if i can make the difference in ONE person's life...).

*ahem*

grooming: we all know i'm not one to beat around the bush, so i'll get right to the point. MEN: GO GET A MANICURE AND PEDICURE. or at least learn how to do it yourself. jesus fuck people. is anyone else sick of getting into bed with a tree monkey? as in YOU COULD CLIMB TREES WITH THOSE THINGS. ~vomit~

i mean...REALLY. i can't even discuss the feet issue...too gross for even me. just get it fucking taken care of. when your toe nails are a darker shade of yellow and thicker than a 2 pound block of tillamook cheddar...GET IT FUCKING TAKEN CARE OF. there is NO shame in getting a pedicure. any woman you ever get in bed with ever again will love you for it. ew. mental image. i just threw up a little.

now the fingers. ~sigh~ i know it seems gay in the not happy way to go in and get a manicure. I GET IT. but GET OVER IT. it isn't. and i'm not asking you to get all buffed and polished. you don't need to get flowers and hearts painted on your pinkies. i'm just asking POLITELY (or...you know...DEMANDING) that you have something less than wolverine claws when you *ahem* go there. and by there i mean: QUIT TRYING TO EDWARD SCISSORHANDS MY SPECIAL LADY AREA. holy christmas. jagged nails ARE NOT COMFORTABLE. rough hangnails and callouses DO NOT "add to the experience".

how would you feel if i had a jagged chipped tooth that i refused to have fixed? or if i went all hard core twilight junkie and sharpened myself some fangs? or if i wore sandpaper gloves to add to your experience??

GET IT FIXED. it's cheap, it's relaxing and enjoyable (there's a reason women do these thing all the time). you can go in the middle of the day when your guy buddies are at work so no one will see you. hell...go at night and make it a group thing. most salons have a tv in them...you can watch football while you're there. really, women will be SO HAPPY to see men getting it taken care of they won't complain about the football.

for the love of special lady areas everywhere. please. i beg you. MANICURE. PEDICURE. NOW.

(ps: DOUBLE the foot demand if you ever want to wear sandals out in public!)