easy, trigger

 

i knowingly, openly acknowledge that i have a two really big triggers: housing and finances. when either of those are threatened, i come out swinging in a big way.

anyone following along at home has seen the results of that a few times in some of my battle royale against property management, former bosses, etc.

you threaten my ability to take care of and provide for myself (formerly myself and my kids) and i fucking snap.

ugly snap.

you’re going to hear words and insults you’ll need to look up and reference check at a later point in time, trust me they’re all accurate and devastating.

i’ve always kept in the back of my mind that this is something i need to address. learn to mitigate. be a little less volatile in response to.

today i decided that’s horse shit.

that’s MY STABILITY.

who the fuck else is going to fight for me? who else is going to protect my job? my house?

yeah. i come out big. really big. maybe don’t fuck with me. maybe that.

maybe don’t be a property manager that ignores the property while bodies are literally being dumped in the hallways.

maybe don’t be a boss that allows coworkers to grope and assault other coworkers.

maybe don’t be a manager that openly makes fun of your employees for how they’re struggling to survive.

i started working when i was 16.

i’ve worked in offices, fast food, coffee shops, corporations, family owned businesses, industrial, commercial, residential, retail. professional buildings, cramped “office” spaces (converted back rooms), warehouses, roadside stands, 

i’ve had bosses that refused to submit my application for promotion/transfer because they talked to my mom and decided i wasn’t ready.

i’ve had owners that allowed coworkers to openly talk about how they’re “prejudiced against all of them,” and didn’t understand why that bothered me.

i’ve had managers that warned “well, that’s what happens when you protest,” about police violence (during covid and the george floyd riots specifically). 

i’ve had owners that took their anti-vaxxing stance to the state capital and signed the business name to the books. 

i’ve had an owner insist his white nationalist politician bff was just “misunderstood” for his extremist views that eventually got him voted out of the gop.

i’ve had owners get angry with me for suggesting we turn down contracts for known problematic companies that threatened my community (i don’t want to help build a chic-fil-a).

i’ve had bosses that micro-managed and set unrealistic expectations. i’ve had bosses that provided no instruction or direction. i’ve had bosses that asked me to cover up illegal activities. i’ve had bosses that abused the shit out of employee after employee with no change or concern. 

i’ve spent A LOT of years biting my tongue. keeping quiet. staying out of it. not speaking up.

i had to make sure my rent was covered. i had to make sure my kids were taken care of. i had to stay quiet and keep the water as calm as possible. i had to just head down and do the damn work despite the setting.

and, eventually it would get to a point where i had to leave.

11 years

7 years

2 years and change

2 years to the day

just under 2 years

my patience has worn thin. my tolerance is thinner.

the flip side of that coin is my reactions are stronger. bigger.

i’m sick. as. fuck. of having to reboot my life because of some asshole.

i’m sick as fuck at having my stability and ability to care for myself absolutely wrecked because a racist misoginst homophobe can’t pull their head out of their ass.

i’m sick as fuck of scrambling to try implement emergency plans and contingency options when the rug gets pulled.

for years therapists have been talking mad shit about how i overthink, over plan, waste too much time making backing back ups for back ups? GET BENT.

try having a boss walk in on a friday and sit down at your desk with no warning and say “your position is eliminated effective immediately.”

and you have no choice but to grab your shit and walk out. right to work state means you’re fucked.

try having a female boss that says, “well, i can’t discipline the abuser because he’s related to half the workers and i’m afraid they’d all quit.”

so yeah.

you come for my stability, expect a reaction.

i’m not mitigating anything. i’m not reigning in. i’m not tempering. i’m not editing or holding back shit anymore.

i’m tired of having my life fucked with.

i’ve worked so. fucking. hard. to get to where i am.

fuck you if you want to take that away from me. expect a fucking fight.