universe: 1 billion, me: 0

did you ever have one of those days where it just seemed like the universe was plotting against you from the moment you woke up?

i know it isn't real, it's all in perspective, but when you feel like you've been knocked flat on your ass the perspective is a little skewed.

the last few nights have been dreams of being chased by a serial killer- perhaps too many crime shows. couple that with insomnia and a dog that sleeps all day and is restless at night- you have a damn shitty start to a tuesday.

i woke up early this morning, had to drive the big spawn to school so his cigar box banjo wouldn't get damaged on the bus- no, i don't understand the logic of it either. school is at 8, i don't have to be to work until 9 even though they're only a few blocks apart. told him i would wake up, shower, run him to school then come home to get ready, PLEASE be ready to go so i have time between trips to get ready. he decided to sleep in and take a shower right before me. being a teenager, a shower isn't complete until ALL the hot water is gone. so there's me, in all my grumpy insomniatic serial killer dream glory, add in a cold shower. now add in SHITTY roads for not one but TWO trips across town (school, then work).

i pulled my shit together for work, took calls, didn't drive my coworker TOO nuts (that i know of anyway) until about 1:27 when i got a call from the small spawn school counselor.

sometimes the straw that breaks the camels back isn't a single straw, it's a whole fucking harvest full of  bales.

the counselor was calling about getting help started for the small spawn.

YES, getting help STARTED.

because, you know, i haven't been fighting to get him help EVERY. SINGLE. FUCKING. YEAR.

long story short: they want to put him in the "resource room."

back in my day the "resource room" was called "special ed."

they want to take the small spawn out of standardized learning with typical learning students and place him in a classroom of moderate to severe special needs kids.

because of his speech and reading.

the two programs i have been FIGHTING to get him help for.

he's been in speech therapy since he was 2. he started in district 81, THE SAME DISTRICT HE'S IN NOW with speech therapy BEFORE kindergarten. every year he's been placed in speech and reading intervention. every year they removed him from the programs when he "reached the level of his peers and was disqualified for additional resource assistance."

EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR. i asked about dyslexia.

they told me it was age typical. they told me he was fine, he'd grow out of it. they told me they would keep an eye on it.  

guess why they want to test him and put him in the "resource room"?

because he has abnormal speech patterns, confuses/changes his letters and words still, and hasn't mastered the sight words typical of his age.

YOU MEAN DYSLEXIA?

last spring i had a meeting with his classroom teacher, the speech teacher, the reading teacher, and the school counselor. don't even get me started about how it was the END of the year before they listened to me asking for help and classroom intervention.

LAST YEAR we discussed a 504 plan to give the small spawn extra time during testing, additional help, and accommodations for other things (math word problems) that involved reading. I SIGNED THE DOCUMENT LAST SPRING.

december 10th this year i went in for a parent teacher conference.

there was NO record of a 504 plan. there was NO record of previous speech/reading intervention even though he's been doing it EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR. since pre-k. there was no mention in his file of aspergers. there was no mention of every. single. fucking. conversation. that i've had EVERY. YEAR. with EVERY. TEACHER. about how to help him succeed in class.

NOTHING. not a single fucking thing in his file. 

where did FOUR years worth of information go?

as soon as i mentioned aspergers to THIS teacher she lit up, changed her whole perspective on the small spawn. see...she has a son with aspergers. SHE GETS IT. the one fucking year i didn't go in before school started to talk to the teacher. the one year i thought they had a plan in his file. the ONE FUCKING YEAR someone gets it and we've wasted half the school year already.

and now they want to start all over, test him, pull him out of the standardized class room and make everything a million times worse.

he's finally making friends. he's OFF THE CHARTS smart in math, science and history. he's never been a discipline problem in the classroom, he's always the first to help. he LOVES school. he LOVES learning.  and now they want to break all that, in the middle of the year, and place him in a segregated classroom? TO HELP HIM?

and i don't know what to do. if they test him and he "passes" he'll be pulled out of class (supposedly only after my approval). if he "fails" the tests then there's no other resources to help him since he's already tried them all.

i can't afford tutors. i can't afford outside classes or learning centers.

i've been beating myself up since he started school at my own inability to help him. ME, with the fucking literature degree can't even help my own son read. i haven't figured out how to teach him something that always came to easy to me.

i sat down and read with him tonight- the "big nate" books i got him for christmas.  he can read hyphenated words across line breaks. he can sight read words like "relationship", "omen", "backboard", "according" but he trips over "it" and "was" and "day". 

where would you even start? he can do complex math problems (for his age) but still gets b and d confused and puts his shoes on the wrong feet.

and so i research and read and i do what i always do when i have a problem: try to find a logical solution or step to take.

go ahead. google dyslexia. see if you can find a concrete learning plan or suggestion. see if you can find anything other than "there's no explanation or cure for it."

one of the most common learning problems and all they can say is: "yup. it happens. doesn't mean you're not smart. just means you process things differently."

WELL NO SHIT SHERLOCK.

you win the captain obvious award for the day.

so i search iphone apps- there's has to be SOMETHING, right? somewhere to start?

105 apps pull up under a search for "dyslexia".

very few have more than a 2 start rating. most of those are typing tutors or apps that do NOTHING once you've installed them.

the khan academy is focused on math and sciences.

we've tried having the older spawn help (that's a TRAIN WRECK).

we've tried leap pad (didn't hold his attention).

we've tried study buddies at school (bully problems, he doesn't want to go anymore).

we've tried campus kids (interaction with a college student/mentor: cool, no help).

we've done reading intervention (kicked him out when he reached the level of his peers, then he digressed).

we've done flash cards (he gets frustrated too quickly).

we've done reading practice (we both get frustrated too quickly).

we've done wii/gameboy games (they're not fun like the other games available).

now what?

no really. i have no ideas left.

so. yeah, tuesday: you win.

but i will be back. i WILL find an answer. fuck you district 81. i WILL find help for my son.