gentle reminder

things haven't been great lately. we've established that.

then today driving home from work i remembered something:

I'M A SPOILED BRAT. and i should quit complaining so fucking much. instead, i need to remove my head from my ass, look around, and appreciate what i DO have. plenty of shit is going right. i may not have all the answers, but i sure as hell have a shit ton of good going on while i'm looking for the answers.

in the middle of all the stress and medial shit, it's time to remember the good:

i don't have to worry about house payments or losing a house for my kids when shit hits the fan. i have ZERO house payments. that's pretty fucking nice.

i don't have to worry about losing transportation. my car is new(ish) and totally paid for. it's in great condition and very safely gets me where i need to go.

even with not the greatest tires on said car- the roads/conditions have been ok enough for me to get back and forth to work without incident while there have been numerous accidents, slide offs, deaths, and other problems already this year.

i may not LOVE all my jobs, but i have several jobs.  in an economy where way too many people are out of work and losing houses and cars and everything else, i'm pretty damn lucky to have a paycheck that covers all my bills. if there weren't horrible bosses and horrible jobs, half the movies in the world would never have been made. i'm not giving up on looking for something that is better hours and provides insurance, but i'm also going to remember that i'm pretty damn lucky that i have a place to go every morning. even if i can't remember which one on which day.

even though i'm not the healthiest right now, i'm still damn lucky. my health issue isn't life threatening (right now), it doesn't require multiple doctors visits, it doesn't require expensive daily medications, i'm not in constant pain, i'm not suffering at all outside the occasional attack which i've been learning how to prevent. it will be expensive to fix, i'm still not sure how/if that's going to happen, but i'm surviving in the mean time.

i have AMAZEBALLS friends that have been helping me get through this stuck spot. i have people that check in with me when i get too quiet, encourage me to get out of the house and help me have an amazing time while i'm out, and who listen and encourage without patronizing or minimizing. i'm really, REALLY damn lucky to have the circle that i have right now. they're all very logical, level headed, honest, and REAL. they've pointed out when i'm right and also when i'm wrong. they've reminded me that shit happens and that it's ok to be sad, but they're also not going to let me stay stuck forever. they see the good in me and are almost obnoxious making me see it and admit it too. near, far, old, new, i've got some really great people and that is rare (and took a long time to find).

i have two really great spawns who, aside from occasionally doing the typical brother thing, are really easy going. things are pretty even keel 90% of the time and the other 10% gets rough but we've made it through this far. they're pretty damn healthy, smart, damn good kids. they're old enough now to help around the house, cook the occasional meal for themselves, and be left alone so i can enjoy the occasional grown up night out.

SO. end of the day, i have great kids, a paycheck, a house, a car, not the best but passable health, great friends, and not too much to bitch about.

i need to dial in a few of the big pieces, work on myself, keep taking steps forward. BUT. it's good to remember the positives in the mean time.

plus, if the world really does end tomorrow at least i'll leave on a positive note. always a good thing.