i tried. double shot latte. costco chocolate cake. midol. deep breathing. it just aint workin. the inner bitch is FED UP and breaking free. i've hinted at this. i've mentioned it in a round about way. you know that build up/explosion i was talking about? it happened. in the form of dear john letters. fuck you if dear john letters annoy you. i’m doin it anyway. i know it's passive aggressive. i know it won't fix anything. but it gets it out of my head.
**EDITED**
as you can see, the rest of this post is missing. i stand by every word i wrote. they were and are my true feelings. however, i have reconsidered what feels to be airing my dirty laundry in public. my purpose in publishing was to accomplish several things, and they have all been fulfilled, so the post is no longer needed. first and foremost the purpose was to finally get the feeling and thoughts out of my head so they would quit rolling around. thoughts such as those posted seems to have a snowball effect if you keep them in, they gain mass and momentum until that is all that you can focus on. unfortunately when they are as poisonous and vomitous as these were, it can be damaging to self, life, others. i was to that point. publishing was able to release that venom, purge my system, and can now be removed. it was also to know that what i felt was right and valid. through the support of friends who have read the post, and those i have had a chance to speak with i have learned that i was right, my feelings were valid and justified. having that reassurance and support has been amazing and strengthening and healing. so, again, the purpose has been fulfilled and the post is no longer needed.
long and short: i apologize for the dirty laundry but thank you for the support. i'm struggling with the line between being truthful and real and going too far. i don't believe i crossed the line here, but i definitely had my toes on it. it has been helpful, it did purge some poison. so. success.
the funny shall return now....stay tuned.
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