hoppin down the bunny trail...

i hope ya'll are ready for this one...it's going to go around in one of the strangest circles. you've been warned.

SO. i've been working on losing weight...we're all aware of this fact. i'm lost 20 and counting...not that you could tell by looking at me. seriously: was i carrying lead in my pockets before? I LOOK THE SAME. you'd think 20 pounds would be NOTICEABLE. but it's not. ~sigh~

we all also know that I AM AWESOME. i love me and therefore everyone else should too. i'm a chubby bunny. and i've been okay being that. because i'm a HOT chubby bunny. i clean up GOOD. think of thumper's girlfriend- fluffy, cuddly, and CUTE. and she snagged a great guy using her fluffy little curves. i don't know what the bunny version of ME.OW. is...but..ME.OW! saucy little vixen!

so. i've been okay with this. but the last few weeks, my son' has been working on a science project at school with caterpillars growing up into butterflies. and it got me thinking...what do _I_ want to be when i grow up? what does a chubby bunny morph into? the only thing that came to mind at first was the boiled baby bunny in the pot...i don't want to turn into the crazy chick boiling baby bunnies! so then i REALLY thought about it...and DUH: chubby bunnies grow up to be jessica rabbit. umm...DROOL. are you kidding me? it should have been SO OBVIOUS. so that's my new goal: chubby bunny needs to morph into jessica rabbit. from saucy little vixen to smokin ridiculously hot siren. so...there you have it. in place of the red dress, i already have my vintage dress that will look just as crazy hot...so...GOAL. SET. GO.

but you know that can't be all with me. i got to thinking about bambi. and like all classic disney characters he didn't have a mother for most of the movie. ps: THANKS FOR KNOCKING OFF ALL THE MOMS DISNEY. anywho: bambi grew up, thumper grew up, flower grew up...and what did they all do? SNAGGED A CHICK. now thumper had a mom, and she was always correcting him and teaching him things. and being a classic bunny family, i wonder if she ever had the reproduction talk with him. how WOULD a reproduction talk for rabbits go? umm..."we reproduce. A LOT. go." or would it be like any classic catholic family: "no sex, but if you do, we don't believe in birth control. that's why there's so damn many of us." (i'm not a catholic, but i'm guessing this is their talk). or would it be like "dude, it's the animal kingdom...have at it!" you know? what would a good bunny mama say? especially when she sees her son...*ahem*...getting a little...umm...worked up shall we say? over the cute chubby bunny above (can you blame him?). how could a mom NOT notice how *cough* excited he got? and then i started to wonder...she knew that bambi was an orphan...and going through the same things. did she try to have the talk with him too? how would that have been? "well bambi...i noticed you're starting to get horny now...i mean...get your horns...i mean...you're growing up..." and how do you give someone else's kid "the talk"? it's awkward enough with your own! and you KNOW bambi's dad didn't give him the talk...all he did was nod at him once or twice from a distant hill...unless that's boy code for something...could be...i will never understand boys...that could have been all he ever needed to know in those few nods. stupid secret boy language.

*awkward transition*

yeah...really didn't know how to jump from having the sex talk with disney characters into the next topic. go ahead...YOU try it. i'll wait...

NOT SO EASY, is it? back to the chubby bunny thing. i know i'm losing some weight somewhere because i'm having wardrobe malfunctions. not quite janet and justin, but you know..close. so. i always, ALWAYS wear a camisole under my shirts. started a few years ago...just a thing i do. well, it's never been a problem before. but apparently now: i have a waist. you know..that indent above your hips instead of it being a straight line (or a bit of an out-dent...what? it's a word. shush.) so now, i wear these camisoles, and i walk around and suddenly the camisole isn't where it started. it's crawled up under my shirt, wiggled, scooted, and is now sitting in a contented little lump at my natural waist. NICE. nothing like having an extra lump or two under your shirt.

so.

*depressing*

i've started tucking in the camisoles. which doesn't seem like a big deal. but it is. for some reason, the minute i tuck in a shirt it seems like i'm suddenly wearing mom jeans and the pants are now one with my bra. NOTHING HAS CHANGED. the jeans are still the same low cut they've always been. i don't pull them up any higher. but the minute you tuck something in they may as well be high rise, tapered leg, "faded" (white) jeans circa 1989. it's the strangest phenomenon. and it makes me feel a bit like i'm wearing a body suit circa 1995 (don't pretend you don't know what i'm talking about). the odd thing is that my pants are falling OFF. so they're really not mom jeans when they're barely hanging onto what's left of my backside. EVEN WITH A BELT. but i just can't shake this feeling...and it's CREEPING ME OUT. i don't want to tuck my jeans into my bra!! I'M TOO YOUNG FOR THAT!!

~sigh~ it's so hard being me! do you see the HUGE problems i have to deal with? i mean...it's amazing i can function from day to day. i'm a hero. i know.

i think that's all for now.

umm...yup.  that's all.