random prego bunnies with ice picks

so many inconsequential things to say, so little time. okay. first. i was walking across the street the other day on my way back to work after lunch and this very nice pickup truck pulled up to the intersection. now, i know i look good, you know i look good, but he in the truck was just discovering how good i look. and it must have been quite startling because it forced him to almost immediately begin to scratch his brain. yes, that's right. while mildly interesting gentleman in the hot truck was checking me out (very obviously) he proceeded to insert finger up nose to fourth knuckle (that's all the way in if you weren't aware) and scratch his brain at the amazingness that was me. how flattering. i laughed. i'm still laughing. it amazes me what people do. no, that's not true, i've ceased being amazed. but it's still fucking hilarious. he was in the cone of invisibility that is our own personal vehicle (even though his windows were all down, thus shattering the invisible barrier, some people forget that). he could see me, but i couldn't see him. it was lovely. i'll cherish that moment for ever. F.O.R.E.V.E.R.

second. i am a jealous person. i am just learning to admit this. and yes, it's a complete and total jealousy based on insecurity and greed. it's things i wish i could be, things i want to have, a way of life that i want to reach. that's all jealousy is at the root really, wanting what you don't have or protecting what you're scared you're going to lose. i never really thought i was a jealous person. and i guess i'm only half of the normal jealous picture you see of females. i get horribly jealous but i won't act on it, i won't say anything (usually), i won't boil a baby rabbit or come after you with an ice pick. but it's there. almost all the time. because i hear, and i see, and i know. i know that the guy that's been tolerating me for the last two years still prefers the itty bitty little girls. i know he still drools over his ex's (and satisfies them as they see fit to drop by). i'm jealous that he attracts women like no ones business and i rarely get any attention. i'm jealous of the couples that i see that are happy together (even though i would probably go insane if that was me). i'm jealous of all the people that have someone to call and talk to when they have a bad day. i'm jealous of all the people that have someone to curl up and watch a movie with. i'm jealous of the people who have kids that are out of diapers. i'm jealous of people that have help handling mouthy teen-wannabe's. i'm jealous of people that can just live their lives and not have to worry about money every minute (even if they're just pretending). i'm jealous of the people that LOVE their jobs and really feel like they're making a difference (not just shuffling papers back and forth). it's all irrational. it's all things that will come in time or i just need to get off my ass and work towards. they're silly, nonsensical things that are a waste of energy to worry about. but it's there. and i'm owning it. not sure what good it will do me, but i'm owning my jealousy. it's there. i'd rather admit that than fight it forever.

*big sigh* okay. next. i've decided i would be a great surrogate. the friend that i recently wrote about passing- his best friend is (was?) a gay gentleman that has been desperately looking for a surrogate to have a child for he and his partner. why not? i was good at being prego. had super fat and healthy babies, no big worries during the pregnancies, the deliveries were both horrible, but that's just one day. and honestly, how much fun would it be to have people as questions about the baby and be able so say "oh, it's not mine..." i think it would be a freaking riot to see people's faces. they're looking at you...ummm...you're pregnant, what do you mean it isn't yours?? i would crack up every time. like when phoebe was prego on friends and got to tell people they were her brother's babies...freaking fun! hell yes! sign me up! plus, i was super healthy when i was prego. great hair, great skin, really healthy...i'll sign up for that! so. me + prego = great jokes and fat babies. it's an all around win.

moving on. how many of you believe in strange things that happen? okay, guess i could be a little more specific- the tattoo on my calf. it is loaded with personal meaning for me, the most important part is the pink butterfly that is for the gal here at work battling breast cancer. well, she's started coughing again which is NOT a good sign, it means her cancer is back again. well, ever since she started coughing again, my butterfly has been itching off and on. just the butterfly, not the rest of the tatt. just that one part. how odd is that? i think it's really odd. and it's just the left wing...i wonder if her cancer is worse in one lung than the other (that's where's it's spread to finally...started out 20 years ago as breast cancer). and today, i had a cold spot in the middle of the back of my right hand. it felt like a cold drop of water was on it and i kept trying to wipe it off but there was nothing there. there IS a small virtually invisible spot that i can see exactly around where the cold spot is...no bug bite, no marks, but i can see a circle of skin that doesn't match. i wonder what the hell that has to do with anything. if i find out one of my kids hurt their hands today i will freak out. that always happened to us growing up. well, not so much us as my brother. every time he got in trouble my mum would get little itty bitty water blisters all over her fingers so he was basically busted before he ever got home.

okay. one final thing for today: every time i hear "stimulus package" it makes me giggle. yes, i do have the ability to make anything dirty. it's great.

so. in summary: brain scratching, ice picks and bunnies, prego joke, "stimulus package" *giggle* dirty.