thick skin

i made the decision this morning to step away from the training program i started last week.

i'm so frustrated and angry and hopeless and just fucking mad.

i knew we were the inaugural class, not only post covid, but for the program at all. i was tolerant of gaps in the schedule and mishaps with material availability. last week had bumps, but this week was just fucking rough.

i have been in the industrial field my whole career.

i started working at 18 at a power plant. from there i went to a mechanical (conveyor maintenance)/electrical firm. then general construction, landscape construction, glass and storefront construction.

i grew up in a timber town with farmers and manufacturing line work as the other two alternatives.

i have been a gay single plus sized mother my ENTIRE career (granted, i didn't know i was gay until a few years in, but i digress).

i have had bosses accuse me of blackmail for reporting them for violating contract work policies.

i have had married coworkers sit on the INSIDE of my desk and say incredibly inappropriate things.

i have had male coworkers "accidentally" walk in to my closed office while pumping breast milk.

i have had coworkers that were 3 times my age invite me to their homes for dinner.

i have had coworkers who would walk in and grope my breasts when i was on the phone to see if i would react.

i have listened to coworkers complain about how lazy and disgusting obese people are (i'm technically morbidly obese, according to the BMI by the way)

i have had coworkers tell me how disgusting gay people are and that they would never allow their family around a gay person.

i have listened to coworkers talk about how all single mothers are whores who sit at home and steal money from the government.

i have been absolutely disrespected by spouses that thought i was trying to steal their husbands.

i have had coworkers defend the ideology that gays should be exterminated.

i have had coworkers that walked in and proudly and loudly proclaimed that they are prejudice and they don't care who knows.

i have listened to coworkers talk about how unstable and wishy washy single mothers are and how they aren't good workers.

i have listened to all the hate. all the jokes. all the comments. all the racism. bigotry. homophobia. misogyny. i have bit my tongue. i have tolerated strait up assault because i had to keep my job and provide for my kids.

i'm done. i did that for 23 years.

so to sit and listen to every union rep tell the class: being an apprentice is terrible. everyone yells at you. it's hard work. no one cares about you, you just have to suck it up and have tough skin and get through it.

the union paperwork directly states: can you tolerate practical jokes, your foreman screaming at you, not getting proper bathroom breaks, just needing to suck it up and tough it out and have thick skin for 4 years (average time it takes to graduate from apprentice to journeyman).

why doesn't it ask CAN YOU REFRAIN FROM PRACTICAL JOKES? CAN YOU REFRAIN FROM SCREAMING AT YOUR COWORKERS?

why is the onus on tolerance and not on removing the toxic behavior?

why is it not only tolerated, but EXPECTED?

a foreman has no right to scream at his employees, ESPECIALLY in a time of crisis. screaming at an apprentice is NOT the way to teach someone.

practical jokes are NOT fun. they are based on hazing, bullying, othering. they are damaging to people and property. the divide teams and build distrust between people who literally may keep each other alive.

no. i am not willing to tolerate practical jokes and a boss that screams at me.

no. i am not going to "tough it out" or "get thick skin" or "put on my big girl panties" or any of the other not so cute curbing for abuse.

the instructor in class made it clear that women still have no place in the trades. i was repeatedly told to shut up. stop. not say another word. in class. when being asked questions. or for input.

we were given two assignments: design a new storage system for a conex container, and design a closure system for a door.

FANTASTIC. design is my jam. let's do it. graph paper. creativity. idea boards. draft a design. look for creative and innovative design elements. BOOM.

oh, yeah. no. those aren't what we're looking for. we're not going to use either of those.

i was the only one that did the assignment. and i was immediately dismissed.

my experience and input were shut down at every turn.

 

it just, was not the space for me.

it was not a safe learning environment. the instructor gave outdated information and incorrect information. he demonstrated tools without safety gear (goggles, gloves, hearing protection at a minimum), telling students to ignore the instructions in the manuals, this is the way he's always done it. contradicting powerpoint presentations from equipment companies and unions.

so.

i made the decision this morning to step away. i deserve a safe, respectful, encouraging learning experience. i deserve to expect to move forward from that into a safe, respectful, encouraging working environment for building skills and continuing learning. 

it's not about "thick skin"

i assure you, my skin is PLENTY thick.