well, okay then.

 whew.

 

today was A DAY.

 

yesterday morning, my boss was let go with no notice.

 

this morning the owner let me know they were eliminating my position, effective immediately.

 

so. 

 

holy fuck.

 

that sucks.

i cried all the way home, got a big pity party size latte, took a hot shower to wash all the snot off, and updated my resume.

onward.

the universe wasn't fucking around during my last card pull when EVERY. SINGLE. THING. SAID. CHANGE.

so. let's talk about some of that change.

a year ago when i was fired, i knew it was coming. i had a little time to prepare. it was still terrifying.

this time?

no notice. none. and yet? i'm ok.

this too shall pass.

i have enough to cover october rent and car payment, i'll find a job by the next one. everyone is hiring, so, i got this.

i know i have friends. i know i have support. i know i can land on my feet. again. is that a job? landing on your feet when life fucks you up? i'd be a fucking pro at that.

i know things are different now. my first thought was: well, this sucks. time to go home and meditate and clear my mind and make a plan.

no panic. no chaos. maybe that will hit on monday when i don't have anywhere to go.

but for now? i'm ok. my bills are caught up. stella has a full food container. my car is fixed. my license is renewed. i have enough weed to get through. priorities.

that's two huge things right there: my license, and my car is fixed.

have you been to the DMV lately? it's FANTASTIC. they only let a few people in at a time and it's by appointment, so you're in and out in under 20 minutes. it was so easy. covid may have fucked up...well, 99% of things, but it fixed the DMV!

i'm proud of myself. it sounds like a dumb or trivial thing, but i did it. i remembered to put it into the budget, i went literally from the bank to the DMV on payday on my lunch break and got my license renewed. i had a good hair day, a cute sweater, clear skin, a fresh paycheck, and a weight 30 lbs less than 10 years ago. the stars were only aligned for a nanosecond and i caught it!

also, my cooper is fixed! poor ginger broke her butt. rear taillight went out, turns out it wasn't *just* the bulbs (of course, she's a mini, it's never *just anything for her) it was the whole tail light assembly and plug.

FUCK MY LIFE.

however, the mechanic is an absolute good guy and found the part numbers for me to order off amazon and popped by after work one night to swap it out for me after the parts got here. absolutely saved me hundreds in parts/shop fees.

let me tell you the ANXIETY i had for days when my license was expired AND my tail light was out. good lord. if i had been pulled over, they would have taken one look at my tattoos and given me every citation possible. WHEW. both taken care of.

and the mechanic asked me to join him for a burger and a beer. so. win win.

other good things: my eyebrow appointment tomorrow is the *last* one in my pack. WOOT! brows will be ON FLEEK for interviews. don't tell them i still use "on fleek" if someone calls for a reference.

and i was able to get my lease signed for another 6 months at a less-than-it-started-at increase price. that's amazing. really got sketchy there for a minute. i did find out the "fire inspection" also included ALL of the management team. so, instead of two people in my apartment it was a GROUP of people, AND it was the people i've been fighting with for the last several months. all up in my space. with shady/not fully notified notice. but. i'm tired of fighting. i'm terrified ALREADY of being homeless, now today...

BUT. i have a 6 month lease. i have this month's rent. i have time to find a new job. i got this.

this too shall pass. i might not stick the landing, there may be a stutter step or two ahead. but i got this.

i've worked so hard on maintaining my mental health, my physical health, my financial health and it's paying off.

this time i skipped the shame spiral (mostly). i skipped the self loathing and the unending list of every mistake i've made ever and why i'm the most terrible employee of all time. meh. just makes my eyes puffy and gives me a gnarly headache. who needs either of those?

SO.

it's friday. it's 5:00 somewhere.

the sun is out, the windows are wide open. tonight i will meditate and recenter and refresh and get everything sorted out.

onward!