**DISCLAIMER** yes, i am being extremely judgmental in this. no, i do not know any of the details of any of the recent cases where children left in the care of the boyfriends were hurt/killed. BUT, i have seen this story over and over and the general details are almost always the same. this is not directed at any person in specific. the following is simply my feelings on the topic in general. hell, these are my feeling on many women (not only mothers) in general. am i on a high horse? yes. am i on a soap box? yes. do i feel i have the right to be there given what i've been through and the choices i've made? yes. so. with that:
open letter to single mothers:
i cannot comprehend the loss or injury of a child. it really is beyond anything i could ever imagine. the pain and heartbreak would truly be unbearable.
BUT.
what the fuck did you THINK would happen leaving your innocent, defenseless, completely vulnerable child alone with a man you could not have known for very long?
why the hell are you all so fucking needy? YES, it is hard being a single parent. is it any easier losing your child? why the fuck can’t you learn to be independent and not bounce from boyfriend to boyfriend letting ANYONE in your house and in the presence of your children just so you don’t have to feel lonely? why the hell are these men even home to take care of the children? why aren’t they out working to help support you instead of the other way around? WHY THE HELL ARE THEY EVEN AROUND? grow a pair, learn to change your own fucking light bulbs and open your own damn pickle jars and kick these worthless fucking assholes to the curb!
what authority do i have to speak?
i’ve been a single mom for TWELVE years. i know how hard it is. i worked my ass off to complete high school. graduate from college. get a job. keep a job. take care of my babies above everything else. i know what it’s like to get zero sleep. i know what it’s like to be in the emergency room at 3 am with a sick child knowing you have to go to work (or class) in the morning. i know what it’s like to be down to pennies and still have a week before another paycheck. i know what it’s like to be alone every. single. night. i know what it’s like to feel like you have no one to help you when you’re completely run out and exhausted and ready to give up.
BUT.
that doesn’t mean you sacrifice your child. that doesn’t mean you reach out and grab the first piece of trash floating by just to make yourself feel better for a moment.
your children can not speak for themselves. they cannot defend themselves. they cannot tell you when bad things happen. THAT IS YOUR JOB.
the INSTANT you became pregnant YOU stopped being the most important thing. that little tiny life entrusted to you became the most important thing. being a parent means sacrifice. it means not always getting what you want in order to make sure that little person has what they need. and they NEED safety and security and someone watching out for them. it means you party less, stop snorting everything you can get your drug addicted hands on, stop dragging home every sorry excuse for a boyfriend you dredge up at the local bar. TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN. you protect that little person with everything you have. do every damn thing in your power to make sure they’re taken care of and safe every moment possible. STOP thinking about you. START thinking about that little baby.
there are ways. there are people to help you learn how to take care of yourself. there are people to help you learn to take care of your babies. you can do this safely, on your own. it’s damn hard, but it can be done.
the sad thing is even a loss like this won’t get your attention. in another week or two you’ll be out attaching yourself to another sperm donor. you’ll be getting knocked up with another baby that you’ll leave alone with another guy.
am i saying you have to be alone forever? no. i would never wish that on someone. people need a partner, they need a helper. especially as a parent. BUT. you do not need to grab on to the first available thing just to avoid being alone. you do NOT need to ALWAYS be with someone. you do not need to be out looking for a replacement 5 minutes after the last one is gone (or 2 days before he’s going to be gone for that matter). take some time to learn who you are ALONE. learn to be independent. learn how to take care of yourself. learn how to support yourself. learn how to do all that, THEN find someone that can add to that, not BE all that. trust: you’ll be doing yourself AND your babies a favor.
please, pull your collective heads out of your asses and stop becoming the latest breaking news headline. please stop thinking about yourselves and start thinking about the little people completely dependent on you. please stop being trashy classless whores and start being mothers.
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